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[personal profile] captain_slinky
Back in the early, untamed, WILD days of The Internet, I was very close to becoming a legal, honest-to-gosh, tax-exempt Religious Cult Leader. It's really a lot easier than you might think!

This morning I was reminded of this because Hulu now has all 5 seasons of The Brady Bunch available to stream, and so I started watching at Season 5. Why? Because there's where my Religion was born...

...The Cult of Cousin Oliver.

My Cult of Cousin Oliver was much simpler than most cults with their weird, wacked-out delusions. See, Cousin Oliver is the Alpha-Omega, the New Beginning that heralded The End. Through examining the 6 episodes he was on, we can find parables that give guidance through our daily life. From his first episode, the Brady's label him as a "Jinx" and is forever the harbinger of chaos from that point on, regardless of how the rest of The Brady's may choose to ignore it. Every line of dialogue from his mouth is like a blast from Gabriel's Horn. From Oliver we learn that nothing is permanent, nothing is sacred, and all shall end in a cataclysm of pie-fights and orange rabbits! He utters the final line of Brady dialogue in the entire series, and from that line, from that FINAL LINE, he sets himself as the one true God. Because despite all the lessons we learn from him in his short 6 episodes, despite parable after parable of good, wholesome life-advice, despite showing us the ONE TRUE WAY THROUGH A LIFE OF NEVER EVEN HAVING HIS OWN BOX IN THE CREDIT SEQUENCE GRID, with these six simple words...

...And let's reflect on that for just a moment. SIX simple words. SIX episodes of Cousin Oliver. SIX Brady Kids. SIX SIX SIX, THE NUMBER OF THE BEAST, LOU-SIF-FER, OL-LIV-VER, the fallen angel Lucifer Morningstar who became so impressed with his own beauty, intelligence, power, and position that he began to desire for himself the honor and glory that belonged to God alone and so he was cast out of Heaven just as The Brady Bunch was cast out of the ABC Friday Night Line-Up...

His final six words?

"Geez, It Was Just A Suggestion..."

Now THAT'S a religious icon I can really get behind! CAN I HAVE A HALLELUJAH!
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