173 - A Conversation My Sister-In-Law In Ohio Will Identify With

[captain_slinky]

(SCENE: I am in the kitchen preparing dinner while my Darling Wife sits at the kitchen table, looking at our banking account and paying bills)

DARLING WIFE: Oh, I see you went Grocery Shopping today!
ME: (trying to act calm and innocent) Really? Oh, yeah! We had a few things on our list, remember? So would you rather I do beef or pork in this? Because I can do either.
DARLING WIFE: (Staring sternly at the computer screen) Beef. Hmmmmm...
ME: (Desperate to get her distracted) ...Because this might be really good with the ground pork instead, and it would make it a leaner -
DARLING WIFE: (Still looking at computer screen) ...Milk at like three bucks... toilet paper was another ten...
ME: (Beginning to sweat) -Of course it wouldn't be as flavorful, but I think that -
DARLING WIFE: ...Salad for five... Onions can't be more than like, what, two dollars a pound?
ME: (Profusely sweating, plaintively whispering now) ...Please stop? I...
DARLING WIFE: Did you keep the receipt? Because I think -
ME: ALL RIGHT I GOT TWENTY DOLLARS CASH BACK! HERE! (taking twenty dollar bill from wallet and slamming it on to the table next to her) I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE! OH GOD I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT!!!
DARLING WIFE: (Sliding the twenty off the table with one hand and in to her pocket while never taking her eyes off the screen) ...
ME: (Breathing heavily, sweat pouring down my face, eyes bulging as I wait for some sort of response)
DARLING WIFE: ...
DARLING WIFE: ...And I see you stopped by McDonalds for an Iced Tea...
ME: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!!!!!