http://supernovame.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] supernovame.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] captain_slinky 2006-03-09 09:49 am (UTC)

I've got you beat

although somehow I am not proud of that fact...

Guilt over the fact that anything I do or have done since dec 8th 2005 seems to be killing me or my wife

Guilt that all I do is sleep, work, and spend time with her while she is on life support, anything else, like eating, is only done while I do one of those three things or on the way to one of those

Guilt that I am not maintaining my health or life or sanity while she is losing hers or trying to regain it, so I can be there for or with her as much as possible

Guilt that if I am for or with her as much as I want, I am giving up sleep or work, and I can't lose my job because then she loses the health insurance that pays for the life support, and I shouldn't lose my sleep because I can feel my reserves are way too low and I could be on life support myself if it keeps up, but I can't not be with her

Guilt that every time work or sleep overtakes me so much I cannot be with her, her health seems to take a turn for the worse

Guilt that I am even typing this in or thinking of this stuff or not thinking of it as much as I should

disengaging thinking now...
Good night! :)

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