captain_slinky (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
captain_slinky) wrote2013-06-16 05:28 pm
captain_slinky) wrote2013-06-16 05:28 pm
Super Pissed-Off
I'm gonna put a spoiler-filled review of "Man Of Steel" here behind an LJ cut because (A) I'm a sweet guy who thinks you should be allowed to hate this movie on your own and (B) I think I hated the movie A LOT, and I'm not a fan of negativity.
First, though, I always have to say FIVE NICE THINGS about a movie before I'll allow myself to fully explore my bitterness. So the five good things about Man Of Steel:
1) I loved the casting.
2) The parts with Clark in Smallville were wonderful
3) It was a good, generic Sci-Fi story that really didn't need Superman.
4) Lots of very pretty CGI / Employed A LOT of special effects artists.
5) No matter what they do in TV and movies, I'll always have 75 years of REALLY GOOD Superman comics to enjoy.
So first of all, let's hit on what made it just a terrible movie, PERIOD. This isn't fanboy nit-picking here; this is legit complaints that would be hurled at any movie that tried to do this stuff.
1) HOLD THE DAMN CAMERA STILL!!! My buddy, Alex, once told me that the reason the current trend in CGI special effects is to fast-n-blurry "Hand Held" shaky-cam look is because those cuts make it much easier to cover up really bad CGI. In THIS movie, though, they only shaky parts were the non-CGI scenes! Stuff like "Just two folks talking to each other in close-up o you don't even see the background" scenes, with a camera shaking so hard you'd swear the cameraman had given up drinking straight Gin less than three days ago. Started in the very first scene and never stopped, EXCEPT for when it was an obvious CGI scene which was actually quite beautiful and steady and a welcome break from the fine cinematography of Jitters The Caffeine Monkey.
2) EXPOSITORY VOLLEYBALL!!! I rarely see this terrible bit of writing outside of B-movies and Blaxploitation films, but here it was in Man Of Steel. Four characters "Just Chatting" in the middle of the film to recap what has happened so far and what they will need to do next so the audience isn't too lost AND has a map of what's about to happen. Only the characters, they have no reason to be saying this stuff in this way. How many times do YOU get together with people and have exchanges like this:
3) Is that a Space Ship? OMG THAT'S A SPACE SHIP!!! The one bit of terrible CGI wa the old tried-and-true blur-zoom-focus for EVERY SPACE SHIP SCENE! I counted them using it at least 4 times, and that was only after I went "Man they're using that a lot!"
4) SO EPIC! I'm getting bored with every sci-fi and/or super hero movie having to be about the extinction of all mankind or the destruction of Earth - how about a nice, relatable hero who just fights real crimes and deal with that for once? The Marvel Universe works so well because each hero gets their own movie where thousands of lives may be at risk, but then when they all get together in an Avengers flick, THAT'S when we get epic.
5) NO LOVE FOR SUPERMAN. This movie, as experienced by everybody who's not one of the dozen-or-so main characters: Whoa something weird just happened to the lights and the TV. Whoa, something blew up outside! Wonder what that was? Uh-oh, earthquake! And now it's done. THE END. Nobody but a fistful of people even know Superman exists by the end of the movie, and that makes me sad :(
FANBOY GRIPES
1) Superman (traditional) is about hope and helping and responsibility. It's about how awesome it is to have a secret and to know that you're really the best there is but you won't ever show-off becaue you don't want to make people feel bad. Superman (movie) is all about paranoia and fear about being discovered.
2) Superman doesn't kill. Ever. I am SO PISSED about that!
3) Superman doesn't do juvenile, spiteful vandalism to get back at drunks who toss beer cans at him.
4) They couldn't decide if Superman's flying was a jumping-thing or a levitation-thing, and it was just confusing. Superman's flying SHOULD BE kind of like a regular human doe swimming, in a way.
5) Jonathan Kent's death was just stupid and completely avoidable, only put there to enforce the paranoia/fear aspect of having powers.
6) Superman should LOVE being Superman!!!
So in a nutshell, if you want a GOOD modern take on Superman? Read Mark Waid's "Superman: Birthright".
First, though, I always have to say FIVE NICE THINGS about a movie before I'll allow myself to fully explore my bitterness. So the five good things about Man Of Steel:
1) I loved the casting.
2) The parts with Clark in Smallville were wonderful
3) It was a good, generic Sci-Fi story that really didn't need Superman.
4) Lots of very pretty CGI / Employed A LOT of special effects artists.
5) No matter what they do in TV and movies, I'll always have 75 years of REALLY GOOD Superman comics to enjoy.
So first of all, let's hit on what made it just a terrible movie, PERIOD. This isn't fanboy nit-picking here; this is legit complaints that would be hurled at any movie that tried to do this stuff.
1) HOLD THE DAMN CAMERA STILL!!! My buddy, Alex, once told me that the reason the current trend in CGI special effects is to fast-n-blurry "Hand Held" shaky-cam look is because those cuts make it much easier to cover up really bad CGI. In THIS movie, though, they only shaky parts were the non-CGI scenes! Stuff like "Just two folks talking to each other in close-up o you don't even see the background" scenes, with a camera shaking so hard you'd swear the cameraman had given up drinking straight Gin less than three days ago. Started in the very first scene and never stopped, EXCEPT for when it was an obvious CGI scene which was actually quite beautiful and steady and a welcome break from the fine cinematography of Jitters The Caffeine Monkey.
2) EXPOSITORY VOLLEYBALL!!! I rarely see this terrible bit of writing outside of B-movies and Blaxploitation films, but here it was in Man Of Steel. Four characters "Just Chatting" in the middle of the film to recap what has happened so far and what they will need to do next so the audience isn't too lost AND has a map of what's about to happen. Only the characters, they have no reason to be saying this stuff in this way. How many times do YOU get together with people and have exchanges like this:
ME: I went to the store and bought some Peanut Butter.
PERSON 1: You also bought Jelly and Bread.
ME: Yes I did!
Person 2: So now you can make a Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwich!
Person 3: You were talking about wanting a Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwich earlier, weren't you?
ME: Yes, that is why I went to the store to buy Peanut Butter, Jelly and Bread. Now it's time to make the sandwich!
3) Is that a Space Ship? OMG THAT'S A SPACE SHIP!!! The one bit of terrible CGI wa the old tried-and-true blur-zoom-focus for EVERY SPACE SHIP SCENE! I counted them using it at least 4 times, and that was only after I went "Man they're using that a lot!"
4) SO EPIC! I'm getting bored with every sci-fi and/or super hero movie having to be about the extinction of all mankind or the destruction of Earth - how about a nice, relatable hero who just fights real crimes and deal with that for once? The Marvel Universe works so well because each hero gets their own movie where thousands of lives may be at risk, but then when they all get together in an Avengers flick, THAT'S when we get epic.
5) NO LOVE FOR SUPERMAN. This movie, as experienced by everybody who's not one of the dozen-or-so main characters: Whoa something weird just happened to the lights and the TV. Whoa, something blew up outside! Wonder what that was? Uh-oh, earthquake! And now it's done. THE END. Nobody but a fistful of people even know Superman exists by the end of the movie, and that makes me sad :(
FANBOY GRIPES
1) Superman (traditional) is about hope and helping and responsibility. It's about how awesome it is to have a secret and to know that you're really the best there is but you won't ever show-off becaue you don't want to make people feel bad. Superman (movie) is all about paranoia and fear about being discovered.
2) Superman doesn't kill. Ever. I am SO PISSED about that!
3) Superman doesn't do juvenile, spiteful vandalism to get back at drunks who toss beer cans at him.
4) They couldn't decide if Superman's flying was a jumping-thing or a levitation-thing, and it was just confusing. Superman's flying SHOULD BE kind of like a regular human doe swimming, in a way.
5) Jonathan Kent's death was just stupid and completely avoidable, only put there to enforce the paranoia/fear aspect of having powers.
6) Superman should LOVE being Superman!!!
So in a nutshell, if you want a GOOD modern take on Superman? Read Mark Waid's "Superman: Birthright".
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