Blah blah blah

Midnight, 10 calls holding, same-old story, same old song.

But tonight I feel okay with it. Tonight I'm like the lil' dude in my icon, helping people to shut the f*ck up. Everything is so much easier to take when you're not trapped :)

Logistical Gymnastics

The theme for tonights calls seems to be "Illogical Conclusion Jumping".

Picture if you will 5 different callers, all calling Comcast betwwen the hours of 11:30pm Sunday Night and and 1:30am Monday morning:

"I installed the AVG Anti-Virus program and suddenly my computer shut itself down half-way through the installation. I rebooted the computer and got a lot of error messages during the start-up. Now I can't get on the internet"

"I reformatted my hard drive and switched over to using USB instead of Ethernet, now suddenly my internet won't work"

"I have an OLD Macintosh computer, made in like 1994, and a friend installed Windows Millenium Edition on it for me but I can't get it to go on the internet"

"My McAffee Virus Scan says it found like 120 different viruses on my computer, and when I had it go to remove the viruses I now suddenly can't get on the internet any more"

"My computer won't turn on any more"

Each and every one of these geniuses came to the EXACT SAME CONCLUSION. I mean right down to the LETTER! Tone, verbiage, sentance structure... all the exact same! Each and every one of them followed up their statement with the same illogical conclusionary statement:

"I think there's something wrong with the Comcast modem"

Blogworthy

CUSTOMER: (Panicing) OH MY GAWD What do I do if the cable doesn't reach from the wall to my modem?!?!?

ME: Move the modem closer to the wall?

CUSTOMER: Oh! I can do that?

Blogworthy II

Customer calls in complaining about how slow the internet is. Checking his connection from here it looks great, but ping-times are a bit high. "Hey, do you happen to run any of those File Sharing programs for getting free music? Stuff like LimeWire, Bear Share, Kazaa, Bit Torrent...?

How DAAAARE you insinuate that I would STEAL music off the internet?!?!? OF COURSE I don't use any of those types of programs! And besides, what difference would it make?

A quick explaination about how The World Wide Webbernets work (suprisingly un-like a series of Tubes), and the customer then asks me to "hang on" while he disables "something".

Ping times go back to normal. Speeds jump right up. And the customer terminates the call.