Boneless Buffalo Wings

[captain_slinky]

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A "BONELESS" CHICKEN WING! A CHICKEN WING WITHOUT BONES IS A "NUGGET"!!! JUST BECUASE YOU SLATHER IT IN BUFFALO WING SAUCE DOES NOT MAKE IT A WING!!!

If I pour a bottle of Buffalo Wing Sauce on my Station Wagon, does it suddenly become a WING? NO!!!

But okay, Restaurants Of The World... I'll forgive the error of your ways. It's a Buffalo Wing FLAVORED chicken nugget or chicken strip, so I'll let it go.

BUT I CAN NOT FRGIVE THE BONELESS BBQ BUFFALO CHICKEN WING!!! Every time I hear a commercial with a line like "Try our new Boneless Buffalo Chicken Wings, available in in either Spicy Original or Sweet Honey BBQ", it makes me crings. No, it goes beyond that! it makes me YELL AT MY TV!!! YOU ARE NOT A WING! YOU ARE NOT BUFFALO! YOU ARE A PRE-DIPPED CHICKEN NUGGET WITH BBQ SAUCE!!!

We can NOT continue to let The Restaurant Industry continue to lie to us like this. We start letting them call Pre-Dipped Nuggets "Boneless Buffalo Wings", then the next thing you know we'll be enjoying "Boneless Kansas City Style BBQ Beef Ribs" that are nothing more than a hamburger patty dipped in Maple Syrup! Available in two great flavors; Original BBQ and new Teryaki!

Comments

[dotgirl.livejournal.com]

Mmm, I love boneless chicken wings! Specially with BBQ sauce.

[captain-slinky.livejournal.com]

When you finally come to that special place in Hell that's set aside just for you? I'll be waiting there for you. With a big bucket of real Buffalo Wings.

[rogh-sensei.livejournal.com]

Here, slink.


Take two, they're small.

[hallerlake.livejournal.com]

I will happily donate some buffalo wing sauce to your station wagon transformation experiment.

"How to spice up your Volvo!"

I predict a youtube sensation. (Hey, "Will It Blend" gets millions of views.)

[tyleet99.livejournal.com]

It reminds me of this time I bought 'chocolate cookies' and it turned out they were just dipped in chocolate.

by this logic, dipping anything in a substance transmutes it into that substance.

Fortunately we were going to a holy river that day, and had opportunity to dip our feet in. I like having holy feet.

So, what are your thoughts on calling them 'Wyngs' if they are boneless and/or actually fake meat product?

[captain-slinky.livejournal.com]

Meatless products can call themselves whatever they want; they're complete works of fiction. They are lies. They are abominations in the eyes of The Carnivores and therefore shall be ignored. Think about it... "Morning Star Farms", largest manufacturer of non-meat meat products... Lucifer "The Day Star", from certain translations of Isaiah 14:3-20.

A Tofu Hot Wing can call itself Abraham Lincoln In A Pink Bowling Shirt for all I care... it's all lies, so why not?

[rogh-sensei.livejournal.com]

I have independently drawn the same parallel about Satan and Morningstar Farms foods. Good on yer. But seriously man, chill out about the boneless thing.

[captain-slinky.livejournal.com]

Can't chill. Won't chill. SOMEBODY has to be worked-up about this, or it'll lead to CHAOS!

I'm pretty sure I could work in a Hitler comparison if need be.

*long slow clap*

[martiniandrossi.livejournal.com]

You've earned yourself a Bronson for that epic chicken-y rant, sir. I also get annoyed by this term.

Re: *long slow clap*

[captain-slinky.livejournal.com]

That Bronson I've earned... is it a "Charles" or is it a "Pinchot"?

Re: *long slow clap*

[martiniandrossi.livejournal.com]

No Balky, just Charles.