Enter a subject To the fine folks at Wendy's Old-Fashioned Hamburgers

Your Half-Pound Jalepeno Cheddar Melt Burger WITH Bacon is, by far, one of the finest tasting fast-food burgers I have ever wrapped my lips around. Meat, cheese-wiz, jalpenos, bacon and more meat... no mamby-pamby salad fixings for THIS burger! Not even anything so healthy as a squirt of ketchup! It just may be the burger I've been looking for all my life.

Unfortunately, the side-effects of eating this burger are more than I'm willing to suffer for the great taste. Right now the Half-Pound Jalepeno Cheddar Melt Burger With Bacon is sitting right above my colon, stabbing all my innards with flaming metal daggers.