Captain's Log

I want you to think of that one thing that you think is the least-sexy part of your body. Or that one physical trait you have that makes you so self conscious. Maybe you have a big nose, or a beer belly, or love handles, or uncontrollable ear hair... that one thing about you that makes you feel super-unsexy when you look in the mirror.

Crazy teeth, small boobs, tiny wiener, pimply butt, bushy-bushy eye brows, lazy eye, festering boils, gnarly toes, hairy back... EVERYBODY has something.

And don't give me any of that "I think I look fine and there's nothing wrong with me because I love myself and accept my body as it was -" SHUT UP! We're not talking about your self esteem here! We're talking about that stuff that keeps you from being a Professional Model. And not a Lane Bryant or Big Dogs model... we're talking SEARS CATALOG UNDERWEAR SECTION.

Okay, so now that you have that special part of your body in mind, you are ready to answer the real question:

A skeezy little man with a thin mustache and a polyester shirt comes up to you and says "MY GOD! Your (_Least Favorite Unsexy Attribute_)! It's... it's PERFECT! I'm a casting director of Pornography that happens to feature (_Least Favorite Unsexy Attribute_)! I'll make you RICH and FAMOUS!"

Would you star in Porn that features that one part of you that you dislike the most?

It's been 51 minutes since I decided that I'm gonna try to write an article about being a thrifty geek and try to shop it around to the various industry magazines.

During my writing process I've cooked breakfast for Molly, made her a toga out of her Cabbage Patch Kids sheet, checked my e-mail 27 times and cooked myself a chicken sandwich with fries.

I've got two pages of false starts that just don't feel right.

I am a terrible, horrible FAILURE of a writer.

Because, y'know... it usually takes less than an hour to knock out a properly worded final draft of anything.

If "April Showers Bring may Flowers"... what do these April Snows bring us?

[Poll #1376353]