Captain's Log

I thought these people had been eliminated from our fine State!

Lady called in to complain becuase the "Family" version of The Fantastic Four wasn't tame enough.

See, with most new releases that are rated PG-13 we offer both the "Theatrical" version and the "Family" version, which has been toned down to a TV-PG. In other words, this is the movie as you would see it on the ABC Movie Of The Week in two years or so, only without the commercials. These movies are toned COMPLETELY down so that phrases such as "Go to Hell" and "Jesus CHRIST!" are reduced to "Go to Heck" and "Gosh!"

Watered down as it was, this woman was still very shocked and horrified that we considered this movie to be "Family Friendly". She had a list of grievances:

• The language was indeed toned down, but still quite harsh in nature
• Jessica Alba's outfit was too tight
• Too much hitting in general
• They showed the one boy even CATCHING ON FIRE!

They can only edit a movie so much before it becomes NOT THAT MOVIE! If we replace the boy who catches fire, then it's NOT THE FANTASTIC FOUR! They also can't shoot an alternate version of the film with Jessica Alba wearing a frumpy sweatsuit just to satisfy your prudish tastes! So here's my suggestion to keep from having a repeat of this situation in the future; have your husband gather up the children and take them down to the basement. You go grab the AM radio (the one alll the BAD stations filtered out so all you get is the God Channel and FOX News) and barricade yourselves because THE RAPTURE IS COMING! Wasn't one of the signs of the apocolypse "The Coming of The Harsh Language"?

Coming back from break, I passed three different reps on the phone helping customers set up Outlook Express.

I sat down and heard over the Cubicle wall both Kerri and T-Roy helping customers set up Outlook Express.

I signed in to my phone, and I instantly got a caller who needed help setting up Outlook Express.

Was there a meetign where all of you got together and said "So it's decided! Tuesday night, 11:37pm, we all call in and get help setting up Outlook Express! Syncronize watches on my mark... MARK."

Or is it just something in the water? A subliminal message? A combination of the two? Certain chemicals in the water supply combined with the flashing lights of the latest Old Navy commercial triggers the "MUST... USE... INFERIOR... MAIL-CLIENT SOFTWAAAAAARE!" command?

Whatever it was, it was CREEPY!