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My advice? Let it go.
Jul. 9th, 2012 12:00 amEvery time i start writing this, I find myself deleting it because it either sounds too angry or too mopey or too obsessive, and it's really not like that because this is a story about how AWESOME it can be to just let negative things GO!
I, like everybody else, had that one person who was "The One". That one relationship that really messed you up. That one person you spent hours dreaming of, and then many MORE hours dreaming of getting your revenge on them. Your first BIG BREAK-UP.
Mine was back in 1995. It was horrible. I burned all the things she ever gave me, along with all the bridges that lead to a reconciliation. It took me three years to *consider* dating after we were through, and even then I wouldn't dare speak her name for fear that she would appear in a cloud of brimstone to snatch my soul away.
But then things got better. I dated! I found the love of my life! We got married! We had a kid! And before I knew it the wound had not only scabbed over, but the scab had completely fallen off and you couldn't even see the scars any more :)
Two years ago, I contacted her husband (who had been one of my absolute best friends, a friend I completely turned my back on when he started dating her) and I apologized. I apologized to BOTH of them. Apologized for nothing more and nothing less for having been a DICK about the whole thing, and all was forgiven. We all had a nice on-line "Relationship" in which we would exchange pictures of our kids, our weddings, our stories... very nice and OMG I LOVE HAVING THAT GUY BACK IN MY LIFE! He's that special, rare kind of friend where you can have an "Inside Joke" going with them within 3 minutes of conversation and you're both red in the face from laughing so hard :)
Recently, he was able to come visit me in the afternoons for, like, two weeks SOLID. We hung out, we played games, we made each other laugh till we were red in the face... it was awesome :) There was talk of us getting our families together, as all three of his daughters were jealous that he got to hang out with "The Legendary Arnie" (my old high-school nick-name). I was... apprehensive.
In theory and on-line I had been completely cool chatting with "Her", but could I take seeing her face-to-face? How would I react? I know that I *think* I'm okay, but this woman WAS the catalyst for well over HALF my failed suicide attempts back in the day! Would I freak out? Would it send me spiraling backwards down that black hole of depression that I fought so hard to crawl out of? Maybe I should just keep pushing this meeting back further and further, just in case...
At the last minute (Friday), opportunity knocked. Their family was going to be in my neighborhood this weekend, should we try to get together? *GULP* In my best Awesome-Person-I-Am-Now frame of mind, I said "Heck yeah let's get together - we'll do a SATURDAY WEENIE ROAST! We'll invite MORE folks over, make it a GAME NIGHT!
Saturday afternoon came, and their family arrived. Their youngest daughter and my daughter got along PERFECT from the very first second. Their older daughters admired and idolized my Nerdiness. My old friend and I got along swimmingly as always...
...And I found myself SO HAPPY that She was there! Like seeing an old friend that you stopped talking to because of a fight neither of you can remember. Maybe we had an argument about something that some stupid kids did back in '95, but who cares now? It's like fighting over which Gladiator was better on American Gladiators - it really doesn't matter or have any relevance to anything that is happening today!
If anything, I owe her a huge thank-you... without those "Dark Years", without the depression, without the recovery... I never would have become the man I am now and never would have met Crystal and never would have had the life that I love so much :)
I, like everybody else, had that one person who was "The One". That one relationship that really messed you up. That one person you spent hours dreaming of, and then many MORE hours dreaming of getting your revenge on them. Your first BIG BREAK-UP.
Mine was back in 1995. It was horrible. I burned all the things she ever gave me, along with all the bridges that lead to a reconciliation. It took me three years to *consider* dating after we were through, and even then I wouldn't dare speak her name for fear that she would appear in a cloud of brimstone to snatch my soul away.
But then things got better. I dated! I found the love of my life! We got married! We had a kid! And before I knew it the wound had not only scabbed over, but the scab had completely fallen off and you couldn't even see the scars any more :)
Two years ago, I contacted her husband (who had been one of my absolute best friends, a friend I completely turned my back on when he started dating her) and I apologized. I apologized to BOTH of them. Apologized for nothing more and nothing less for having been a DICK about the whole thing, and all was forgiven. We all had a nice on-line "Relationship" in which we would exchange pictures of our kids, our weddings, our stories... very nice and OMG I LOVE HAVING THAT GUY BACK IN MY LIFE! He's that special, rare kind of friend where you can have an "Inside Joke" going with them within 3 minutes of conversation and you're both red in the face from laughing so hard :)
Recently, he was able to come visit me in the afternoons for, like, two weeks SOLID. We hung out, we played games, we made each other laugh till we were red in the face... it was awesome :) There was talk of us getting our families together, as all three of his daughters were jealous that he got to hang out with "The Legendary Arnie" (my old high-school nick-name). I was... apprehensive.
In theory and on-line I had been completely cool chatting with "Her", but could I take seeing her face-to-face? How would I react? I know that I *think* I'm okay, but this woman WAS the catalyst for well over HALF my failed suicide attempts back in the day! Would I freak out? Would it send me spiraling backwards down that black hole of depression that I fought so hard to crawl out of? Maybe I should just keep pushing this meeting back further and further, just in case...
At the last minute (Friday), opportunity knocked. Their family was going to be in my neighborhood this weekend, should we try to get together? *GULP* In my best Awesome-Person-I-Am-Now frame of mind, I said "Heck yeah let's get together - we'll do a SATURDAY WEENIE ROAST! We'll invite MORE folks over, make it a GAME NIGHT!
Saturday afternoon came, and their family arrived. Their youngest daughter and my daughter got along PERFECT from the very first second. Their older daughters admired and idolized my Nerdiness. My old friend and I got along swimmingly as always...
...And I found myself SO HAPPY that She was there! Like seeing an old friend that you stopped talking to because of a fight neither of you can remember. Maybe we had an argument about something that some stupid kids did back in '95, but who cares now? It's like fighting over which Gladiator was better on American Gladiators - it really doesn't matter or have any relevance to anything that is happening today!
If anything, I owe her a huge thank-you... without those "Dark Years", without the depression, without the recovery... I never would have become the man I am now and never would have met Crystal and never would have had the life that I love so much :)
