Captain's Log

Sometimes something so very special happens... something so WONDERFUL and it fills you with SO MUCH JOY that when it's over you can't help but feel a little bit depressed when the moment is gone. Tonight, I had one of those moments.

I was running a little late getting back from lunch, and was zipping along the back roads on my way to work praying that no Law Enforcement had chosen tonight to patrol this particular road. Toodling along at a nice clip, a full belly, "Stayin' Alive" playing on the radio... I was feeling pretty good! I felt a little pressure "knocking at the back door" as it were and decided to pass a little gas. Little did I know the treat I was in for!

It started out warm and raspy, like the voice of that old hooker that sits at the end of the bar all night asking if you'd like to buy a lady a drink. And then it went from a low, soulfull tone up in to a beautiful almost falsetto pitch and held there for so impossibly long that I thought I would cry it was just so perfect! It was as if the Biblical Gabriel were blowing his horn THROUGH MY BOWELS! The Rapture was being heralded through the grace of my buttocks! Tears of joy rolling down my cheeks (the upper ones), I had no idea that the best was yet to come!

"The High Hard One" soon mellowed(?) itself to a peppy, upbeat marching band complete with tubas, trombones and a kickin' drum beat that made you want to march along filled with Patriotic Pride!

And then, as suddenly as it had started over 48 seconds ago, it ended. I have never felt so alone as I did when that gas was done passing :(