Day Three

[captain_slinky]

it really started on Sunday, when Molly suddenly just started telling me to go away because she doesn't like me.

Culminated in yesterday's "I want to KILL him" comments.

...And is continuing today with a morning full of her pushing me away and telling me she doesn't like me and she wants me to just go away. She doesn't like me, she likes MOMMY.

So what the hell do I do? I have a feeling that this is one of those early developmental moments that will define our relationship for the rest of her life.

Do I punish her for being rude and hurtful, making her hate me even more and setting myself as the villain/warden for the rest of her life that she has to fear and/or conspire against?

Do I over-compensate and do everything I can to make her say she loves me, setting the precedent of "All I have to do is tell Daddy that i hate him and he'll buy me Ice Cream/Toys/Whatever I want"?

Do I just sit here and do nothing in hopes that the mood passes her, which could give her the feeling that Daddy doesn't care about her feelings and would rather just clean/watch TV/type on the computer than listen to her concerns?

SO FAR TODAY i have tried these: Gave in to her whims (got up at 6am to watch Peter Pan and let her drink Fruit Punch in the living room for breakfast), Obeyed her wishes (she told me to go away, i said Okay and went to stand outside for 10 minutes) and tried just hugging her while telling her that i wasn't going to go away because I love her even if she doesn't love me (which was met with more 'Go Away"s and "I don't like you"s and "I like Mommy"s).

Not even 9am and I'm frazzled beyond belief :(

Adding to the frustration of the day, this is Day 3 of Molly having this stupid cold and this morning I have woken up with the same nose-clogging, throat-ripping illness as she. I'm sure this cold is partially to blame for all the emotion and drama... probably even ENTIRELY responsible... but it's not making it any easier to deal with.

Just because you know where the knife is coming from doesn't make the cut sting any less :(

Comments

[cast-aspersions.livejournal.com]

she'll get over it; it sounds as if she's just not feeling well. i would stick to her normal routine, and tell her that it's okay if she doesn't like you right now, but it hurts your feelings when she says that she hates you. and then tell her that you still love her and that nothing will change that.

[teh-dirty-robot.livejournal.com]

Do I over-compensate and do everything I can to make her say she loves me...

This would imply that it's not about defining your relationship with her, it's about your hurt feelings.

[captain-slinky.livejournal.com]

Well OF COURSE it's about my hurt feelings! If it weren't, I'd just go ahead and let her hate me :)

[dotgirl.livejournal.com]

Are you having your period? It's ok if you are. I'm just wondering.

Anyway! This is only a defining moment in your relationship if you let it be. She's at an age where she's pushing boundaries, and she's starting to understand how to manipulate emotions - in short, turning into a real actual girl! ;)

But kids like boundaries, and they like *consistent* boundaries. So just keep the same rules, same schedule, same everything - don't give in to appease her, and don't withhold to punish. In a week, she'll be past this.

[teh-dirty-robot.livejournal.com]

...but you're the adult here.

[captain-slinky.livejournal.com]

So I should probably cancel that order for the 5 inflatable bounce-houses and the cotton candy machine and the pony named Klip-Klop?

I wonder if that deposit was non-refundable? Guess I should have asked...

[captain-slinky.livejournal.com]

Says you! I REFUSE TO GROW UP AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!!

[pete23.livejournal.com]

in a similar space with our eldest. nothing to offer except good wishes! :-)

can't wait for the sulky goth phase, I will undoubtedly wet myself laughing...

[nealbailey.livejournal.com]

I think the most important thing to do would be not to overanalyze it. She won't remember this, and it won't fuck her up if you screw up the response. That happens later, like when she's fourteen if you let some guy beat her up, etc.

The only thing kids seem to need (and mind you, this from a guy who's only watched a lot of sucky parents and good parents on the way to deciding to HAVE kids, a layman, if you will) is consistency.

Well, and food. Food is good.

Perhaps a little time away (like, an hour, given how young she is) would make her realize how much she misses you.

The sadistic side of me wants to suggest taking her to a mall, then saying, "Well, you want me to go? I can leave now!" Watch her cling to your leg like an SOB. But that'd just benefit you and make her cry. Point being, you know you're needed, she knows you're needed, but she's just frustrated with being young and powerless.

[teegin.livejournal.com]

If you truly love something let it go and if it doesn't come back hunt it down and kill it. She may say she hates you now but that will change the nano-second she needs money, like all kids.

[kanaetkassad.livejournal.com]

iawtc

[tigernach.livejournal.com]

Just had the "sick angry two year old" conversation at work today.

It's probably the sickness, the earache, the medication to fix it, that makes her all cranky. You obviously can't go away, that's not reasonable. This is your home, too, ya know. You're doing fine, just find some even territory where you're not standing outside in the cold and she's getting some space. And consistency like Neal said. And some food. that helps. She will love you no matter what, she's your molly. Even when she's cranky and homicidal.