026 - Doctors

[captain_slinky]

I have had exactly *one* Doctor in my adult life that I liked, and I had to give up going to see him because he was never there - his "Hobby" of Bird Watching took up about 80% of his time, and he was more well known for his books and photography of birds than he was for his medical practice. But when he WAS in the office and I *did* see him, he was incredible. He swore like a sailor and always got directly to the point, all while making you feel like you had just had a casual conversation with some random dude in a bar that seemed to remember more about you than you did about him.

"MISTER PIERCE! How the hell you doin'? Didja have a chance to look over my new Calendar? Yeah, Marsh Birds of Northern Canada! Can you f*ckin' believe it? Beautiful birds. So anyways, how's your leg? Still f*cked up? Uh huh... and you're still wearing the brace, right? Don't you f*ckin' LIE to me, I'll know! Let me take a look... Mmm hm. Okay, how about if I put pressure here? And here? Okay, aaaand... here. Oh yeah, THERE'S the f*cker! Okay, here's what we're going to do! I'm gonna keep you on those meds for like another week. Keep using the brace. After a week, drop the meds but keep using the brace. Okay? Good... now, let me look at your f*ckin' head, you sound all stuffed-up"

My current doctor is *nice*... somewhat timmid, and she'll do whatever I tell her to do, but she has no... intuition, I guess? When I go to see her, the first thing she does is open up a step-by-step questionnaire on her computer and asks me a series of questions that will either tell us how to treat my symptoms, or tell me which Game Of Thrones character I am most like.

She *always* seems surprised with whatever diagnosis/treatment the computer spits out, and she often has trouble pronouncing the medications she's prescribing. I most times leave her office thinking "Well heck, I could have done THAT from my own home if I had access to that questionnaire"

The good/bad of this is that I can usually just call the doctor's office and answer the questions over the phone so she can tell me if I need to come in and get a referral to a different doctor? I think that's good?

Comments

[hannah easterson (from livejournal.com)]

I have a lot of trouble with doctors who want me to tell them what they should do. I'm always like...I don't have a medical degree? Shouldn't YOU KNOW???
Bird doctor sounds right up my alley.
You would probably appreciate my senile doctor. Senile Doctor delivered me when I was born, and has since developed a sort of position as one of the family, however, he is also terribly senile and, therefore, sort of awful at his job. More than one occasion he has told me he needed to "go get a referral" for whatever symptom I bring to him, only to have him return with a print-out of WebMD. Oh, senile doctor. He's terrible, but very endearing.

[snarky-imp.livejournal.com]

Mum's doctor also has the fun questionnaire and it always takes all my self control to not convince Mum to answer as if she's a completely different patient just to see if the doctor would notice.

I don't mind as much when the nurses go through it because they change but the doctor asks the same questions (as the nurses and every visit) and seems to have no idea what she's already told Mums to do even though she's clearly looking at her history. Right there. In front of her.

[lynna12000.livejournal.com]

If she does what you tell her to, does that mean she'll prescribe the medications that you want to have? And if so, wouldn't that make her your dealer, not your doctor? (bless you Bill Maher)

Some medical practices, if associated with drug and/or insurance companies, have to do things the way the insurance and drug companies want. The doctor may not have a choice in how she achieves her diagnosis.

[aurora77]

I have a doc who is like your old favorite doc, but without the swearing. He's awesome.

As for the other one, I've had nurse practitioners who were way better than that. :/