125 - Passion & Enui
Jun. 9th, 2015 06:51 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
captain_slinkyI happen to know a lot of guys around my age who are experiencing the same weird depression that I am right now, so maybe Tomorrowland isn't to blame?
Every day - EVERY day, mind you - since I saw that movie, I have tried to write out my feelings regarding the movie Tomorrowland, and deleted it every time because it makes me sound dangerously unstable. Like, Unibomber Manifesto unstable. And it scares the crap out of me.
I speak of how the makers of the film directed this movie at me personally, and how I received the messages that they were sending me through their film. I have an overwhelming desire to contact them all - confront them - and let them know I "Got It" and need to know what to do next. I take every less-than-exuberant or negative review of the movie as a personal attack that I must defend myself against. I know that this movie was suppose to change everything and instead it only changed *me*. I can't look at images from the movie, think about the movie too hard or bring myself to even *touch* an image of the pin from the movie ON MY SCREEN for fear that nothing will happen. The movie left me feeling ashamed and undeserving of anything that makes me happy.
I realize that all this stuff I'm writing is the type of stuff they would use as "evidence" after I'm arrested for jumping out at George Clooney screaming "I GOT THE MESSAGE NO ONE ELSE UNDERSTANDS YOU BUT I DO GEORGE TAKE ME TO TOMORROWLAND!!!", so I delete it and internalize it all. As long as it stays on the INSIDE, it's not crazy right?
So anywho, now I'm talking with friends and finding that even though they haven't seen the movie, they're having these feelings as well. Well, not THESE feelings, the "Jump Out At George Clooney" feelings, but the underlying current of it all; a feeling of how nothing is exciting any more. We have no passion left. Projects that once excited us are now either non-existent or at the very least far too daunting to even attempt.
EXAMPLE: A short list of things that I usually enjoy doing for/by myself would include sorting comic books, planning Disneyland vacations, building stuff, selling stuff on Ebay. These are all things I could be doing RIGHT NOW, I have all the means and materials RIGHT HERE to do all this stuff, but there's too much other stuff to get done so i don't feel like I deserve to do any of those things. Sink full of dishes, piles of laundry, a lawn that needs to be mowed, tons of stuff that needs to be put away... but I'm not doing any of THAT stuff, either! Instead I'm just paralyzed with this overwhelming funk that of "I don't care" all around me. Oh, I know that if i would just *do it*, just get up and do SOMETHING, be it a fun thing or an obligation thing, I'd probably perk right up - but I don't want to. Why bother?
So I'm taking some comfort in knowing that others I know are having the same "Blah" feelings right now, even without having "gotten" the message from George Clooney and Tomorrowland. Maybe I don't have to stalk him after all?
Every day - EVERY day, mind you - since I saw that movie, I have tried to write out my feelings regarding the movie Tomorrowland, and deleted it every time because it makes me sound dangerously unstable. Like, Unibomber Manifesto unstable. And it scares the crap out of me.
I speak of how the makers of the film directed this movie at me personally, and how I received the messages that they were sending me through their film. I have an overwhelming desire to contact them all - confront them - and let them know I "Got It" and need to know what to do next. I take every less-than-exuberant or negative review of the movie as a personal attack that I must defend myself against. I know that this movie was suppose to change everything and instead it only changed *me*. I can't look at images from the movie, think about the movie too hard or bring myself to even *touch* an image of the pin from the movie ON MY SCREEN for fear that nothing will happen. The movie left me feeling ashamed and undeserving of anything that makes me happy.
I realize that all this stuff I'm writing is the type of stuff they would use as "evidence" after I'm arrested for jumping out at George Clooney screaming "I GOT THE MESSAGE NO ONE ELSE UNDERSTANDS YOU BUT I DO GEORGE TAKE ME TO TOMORROWLAND!!!", so I delete it and internalize it all. As long as it stays on the INSIDE, it's not crazy right?
So anywho, now I'm talking with friends and finding that even though they haven't seen the movie, they're having these feelings as well. Well, not THESE feelings, the "Jump Out At George Clooney" feelings, but the underlying current of it all; a feeling of how nothing is exciting any more. We have no passion left. Projects that once excited us are now either non-existent or at the very least far too daunting to even attempt.
EXAMPLE: A short list of things that I usually enjoy doing for/by myself would include sorting comic books, planning Disneyland vacations, building stuff, selling stuff on Ebay. These are all things I could be doing RIGHT NOW, I have all the means and materials RIGHT HERE to do all this stuff, but there's too much other stuff to get done so i don't feel like I deserve to do any of those things. Sink full of dishes, piles of laundry, a lawn that needs to be mowed, tons of stuff that needs to be put away... but I'm not doing any of THAT stuff, either! Instead I'm just paralyzed with this overwhelming funk that of "I don't care" all around me. Oh, I know that if i would just *do it*, just get up and do SOMETHING, be it a fun thing or an obligation thing, I'd probably perk right up - but I don't want to. Why bother?
So I'm taking some comfort in knowing that others I know are having the same "Blah" feelings right now, even without having "gotten" the message from George Clooney and Tomorrowland. Maybe I don't have to stalk him after all?
