(no subject)

During her pregnancy, my mother went to an OBGYN who prescribed ciggarettes for her, to "Calm her nerves" and "Help with the pains commonly associated with child birth". Then, some time in the afternoon of May 7th, 1973, my mother went in to labor. She and my father lived at what they refered to as "40th & Plum" (40 miles plum out in the stix, AKA "Bum-Fucked Egypt"), so they had a LONG ride to the hospital. According to legend passed down to me from family members including my father, the ride was just long enough for my mother to consume 2 bottle of Tequilla to help numb the pain, and there is also speculation that there may have been some, er, "Herbal Medication" involved as well (if ya know what I mean). Once at the hospital, my mother was given a full slate of the kinds of drugs that are no longer given to expectant mothers because of all the birth defects that they cause.

On May 8th, 1973, at 7:20 AM, I squeezed my HUGE head, broad shoulders, and strapping chest out of my mothers body and entered this world. According to her, I weighed 48 Lbs at birth (all though my birth certificate says 7 Lbs 4 Oz, she swears it was more like 50 lbs.).

Happy Birthday To Me!