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Crystal sometimes gets sad because I don't seem really excited about The Baby. Truth is I'm just frightened to let myself get excited. Scared that if I start getting excited about it I'll jinx it. And since there are so many different things that could go wrong at this point in the pregnancy, why add fuel to the fire in the form of stupid bad luck?
By the way, I have no idea how I developed this little "Quirk" of mine, but my excitement glands just shut down and get overly relaxed whenever I'm in a situation where I should be anxious. Birthday parties, High School Graduation, my first kiss, the day I met Crystal, first trip to Disney Land, my wedding day... all days I nearly fell asleep I was so calm.
(Upon reflection, I have traced this back to Damon Irons' fifth birthday party. I was extremely excited and I knew the party started at noon. My Dad was suppoised to drive me there, but he fell asleep on the couch at about 11 and every time I tried to wake him up he told me to calm down and try to take a nap till it was time to leave. We didn't leave till 2. I missed the entire party except for gettign to see everyone go home with frosting on their faces and party prize bags in their hands).
But I *am* excited about the Baby. I have trouble falling asleep at night just thinking about the whole thing, the possibilities, the work that'll go in to raising the kid, how it really puts my own life (lives really, but that's a different post), how it makes me view my own Father in a new light. I wonder how it will change me? *Will* it change me? Do I want to change? Will I regret it? Or is it the chrysaliss that's been waiting to happen all along, transforming me from lonely geek to Productive Member of Society?
Yes, I am frightened, excited and sleepy :)
By the way, I have no idea how I developed this little "Quirk" of mine, but my excitement glands just shut down and get overly relaxed whenever I'm in a situation where I should be anxious. Birthday parties, High School Graduation, my first kiss, the day I met Crystal, first trip to Disney Land, my wedding day... all days I nearly fell asleep I was so calm.
(Upon reflection, I have traced this back to Damon Irons' fifth birthday party. I was extremely excited and I knew the party started at noon. My Dad was suppoised to drive me there, but he fell asleep on the couch at about 11 and every time I tried to wake him up he told me to calm down and try to take a nap till it was time to leave. We didn't leave till 2. I missed the entire party except for gettign to see everyone go home with frosting on their faces and party prize bags in their hands).
But I *am* excited about the Baby. I have trouble falling asleep at night just thinking about the whole thing, the possibilities, the work that'll go in to raising the kid, how it really puts my own life (lives really, but that's a different post), how it makes me view my own Father in a new light. I wonder how it will change me? *Will* it change me? Do I want to change? Will I regret it? Or is it the chrysaliss that's been waiting to happen all along, transforming me from lonely geek to Productive Member of Society?
Yes, I am frightened, excited and sleepy :)
