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106: Bajillion Dollar Idea, "ADLT"
Aug. 14th, 2016 08:36 amFree idea for whoever wants to make this a "thing", it's the next gazillion-dollar multi-platform social app for your smartphone, and i call it "ADLT".
ADLT makes it easier to be an Adult by giving you POINTS for what is popularly referred to as "Adulting". You rack up points and get an ADLT Rating which you can then share with others and use as your justification for whatever ludicrous thing you're doing!
"Hey man, aren't you a little old to be standing in line at Midnight for the release of a new video game?" Nah, check my ADLT rating - I've been making my bed every morning, I haven't had Fast Food in a week, I watched the news on television twice AND I did a load of laundry where I separated my colors and my whites! I can afford this!"
Use to impress potential employers! They don't need to know that your outstanding ADLT rating comes from the fact that you put gas in your car even though you still had half a tank, ordered an entire pizza for yourself but only ate two pieces, REFRIGERATED the leftover pizza instead of just leaving it on the couch, and stopped watching Netflix after just one episode of whatever show you're currently into. Sure you reek of Doritos-N-Weed and you wore a "Who Farted" T-Shirt to the interview, but your ADLT Score is ASTOUNDING!
Use it for dating! "I'm looking for a good time, somebody with an ADLT Score of, like, 25 at the most" or "I'm looking to settle down with a nice ADLTer in the mid-to-high 90's..."
Of course, it's up to other people to balance out your score. You choose at least TWO friends during set-up that are your "Mods". The job of a Mod is to keep you honest - they have veto power over anything you claim points for ("Oh you DID NOT sit down and plan your retirement fund, you just went shopping for Beanie babies again!"), AND they report your Negative Points as well.
So what you're trying to do with this app is to find a balance and keep yourself from falling into a downward spiral of depression regarding your life and your choices.
BEFORE the ADLT App, you would sit unshowered, in your underwear, on your couch next to that last slice of pizza and the empty two-liter bottle of Pepsi, watching the credits for the final episode of Boston Legal and waiting for Netflix to suggest your next binge, and you would cry "Oh my God what have i DONE with my life?"
NOW, thanks to ADLT, you'll be able to open the app and see that you're score is at 87%, which is WAY too uptight! You DESERVE this weekend! Yes, netflix, i WILL start watching Burn Notice next! Let me just go get that can of Pringles and some Ice Cream first! Thanks, ADLT!"
ADLT makes it easier to be an Adult by giving you POINTS for what is popularly referred to as "Adulting". You rack up points and get an ADLT Rating which you can then share with others and use as your justification for whatever ludicrous thing you're doing!
"Hey man, aren't you a little old to be standing in line at Midnight for the release of a new video game?" Nah, check my ADLT rating - I've been making my bed every morning, I haven't had Fast Food in a week, I watched the news on television twice AND I did a load of laundry where I separated my colors and my whites! I can afford this!"
Use to impress potential employers! They don't need to know that your outstanding ADLT rating comes from the fact that you put gas in your car even though you still had half a tank, ordered an entire pizza for yourself but only ate two pieces, REFRIGERATED the leftover pizza instead of just leaving it on the couch, and stopped watching Netflix after just one episode of whatever show you're currently into. Sure you reek of Doritos-N-Weed and you wore a "Who Farted" T-Shirt to the interview, but your ADLT Score is ASTOUNDING!
Use it for dating! "I'm looking for a good time, somebody with an ADLT Score of, like, 25 at the most" or "I'm looking to settle down with a nice ADLTer in the mid-to-high 90's..."
Of course, it's up to other people to balance out your score. You choose at least TWO friends during set-up that are your "Mods". The job of a Mod is to keep you honest - they have veto power over anything you claim points for ("Oh you DID NOT sit down and plan your retirement fund, you just went shopping for Beanie babies again!"), AND they report your Negative Points as well.
- POTENTIAL ACTIVITIES THAT COULD GET YOU NEGATIVE POINTS:
- Ordering "That Blue Drink" at the bar.
- Eating an entire package of something that is obviously far more than one serving (sleeve of Oreo, Family Size bag of Ruffles, Entire Dominos Pizza, etc)
- "Binge Watching" (negativity compounds with each episode - 2 episodes = 2 Points, 3 Episodes = 4 Points, 4 episodes = 8 points, 5 episodes = 16 Points, so on).
- Staying awake past 10pm (9pm on Weekdays)... Yes, this rule is unfair for those who work nights. Choose your Mods wisely! These points can be offset by Work Credits!
- Blogging
- Tweeting
- Hitting "Like" on Facebook more than ten times in an hour
- Spending more than an hour on The Internet
- Video Games
- Sporting Events
- ...Basically ANYTHING that makes life worth living
So what you're trying to do with this app is to find a balance and keep yourself from falling into a downward spiral of depression regarding your life and your choices.
BEFORE the ADLT App, you would sit unshowered, in your underwear, on your couch next to that last slice of pizza and the empty two-liter bottle of Pepsi, watching the credits for the final episode of Boston Legal and waiting for Netflix to suggest your next binge, and you would cry "Oh my God what have i DONE with my life?"
NOW, thanks to ADLT, you'll be able to open the app and see that you're score is at 87%, which is WAY too uptight! You DESERVE this weekend! Yes, netflix, i WILL start watching Burn Notice next! Let me just go get that can of Pringles and some Ice Cream first! Thanks, ADLT!"
