The Big Lunch Meeting

[captain_slinky]

Today we had a great big All-Employee Lunch Meeting at the Maydenbauer Center in Bellevue, because we're the Number 1 system in the company for 2005 or something like that. Here's the blow-by-blow action! If you want to re-live the experience, go ahead and get yourself a dish of pasta salad and a chicken breast before reading:

• Ladies and gentlemen, local celebrity TONY VENTRELLA!!!
  
• "Hey everybody, I'm venerable local celebrity Tony Ventrella! You may know me from my Sportcasting on virtually every local television station in the past 20 years! Let me make a sports joke now! Ha HA! Now that I have the crowd warmed up, here's a video all about *you*!"
  
• Cue the rockin' alternativie guitar riff and roll tape on that stock footage from all the cable broadcast channels.
  
• "Hey, that's great! You guys are NUMBER 1! Here's some guys who make more money than you to tell you how you did it!"
  
• Cue the guy who makes more money than me.
  
• "Thanks, Tony! Hi, I'm the guy who makes more money than you! Here's a bunch of boring numbers that show you why you rock so much! And here's some Techno-Speek that shows how much you technicians and engineers rock!"
  
• Cue much cheering from the technicians and engineers in the back of the room.
  
• "Now here's the guy who makes more money than *me* to tell you about the FUTURE of Comcast!"
  
• Cue the guy who makes more money than the guy who makes more money than me.
  
• "VIDEO PHONES! JET PACKS! JETSONS CARS! STAR TREK COMMUNICATORS AND MONORAILS!"
  
• Exit crazy future-man who makes more money than the guy who makes more money than me.
  
• "Hey everybody, I'm venerable local celebrity TONY VENTRELLA! And what's that? In the back of the room? Who could it be? Is it... IT IS! It's THE GUY WHO MAKES MORE MONEY THAN ALL OF US COMBINED and a LARGE FOOTBALL PLAYER MAN!!!"
  
• LARGE FOOTBALL PLAYER MAN (to guy who makes more money than all of us combined): "Put on dis damn shirt!"
  
• GUY WHO MAKES MORE MONEY THAN ALL OF US COMBINED: "Yes sir mister football player sir... Hooray Seahawks! Hey! Watch this very special video message!"
  
• Roll footage of old Orville-Redenbacher-esque coot saying Seattle is a very nice place.
  
• GUY WHO MAKES MORE MONEY THAN ME: Hey, that was great! And look! We've got awards to hand out and people to recognize!"
  
• Begin the parade of people that I don't recognize.
  
• "Hey everybody, it's ME, local celebrity TONY VENTRELLA! I'm here with Football Player Man, and we're gonna give away Big-Screen TV's and Computer Systems between my asking Football Player Man about Football!"
  
• Cue me not winning a damn thing.
  
• "This is local celebrity TONY VENTRELLA thanking you for coming out today, eating chicken and enjoying my local wit! Now get out! All of you!"

...And so ended the Comcast All-Employee Lunch Meeting. HOORAY! I can hardly wait for another one!