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captain_slinky
"Wednesday police arrested a French climber who called himself "The Snake Man" after he climbed up to the top of a thirty-story building. That's right folks, he climbed all the way up a building. Just like a snake."
"Mike Parrish, an Ohio fireman, has been selected as Favorite Valentine after he drove a fire truck to his girlfriend's apartment, climbed up the ladder to her window on the fifth floor and gave her flowers and a marriage proposal, which she accepted. Congratulations, Mike. And, selected as Least Favorite Valentine for the fourth time in a row, O.J. Simpson."
"Scientists have finally developed a pill which recreates the effect of being drunk without the risk of a hangover. Be forewarned, however: as a side effect, it causes massive anal bleeding."
"A new poll covering the highest paying jobs in America has revealed that "Data Services Technician" remains at the top spot for the third time in a row. However, another poll has just shown that the lowest paying job, "Assistant Crackwhore", has been replaced by a new entry, "Crackwhore Trainee".
