captain_slinky | Tragically hillarious

ME: Okay, we're going to powercycle your cable modem and your router.

HER: Oh thank you! Okay, I'm ready!

ME: First, do you see the box with the 4 green lights that says "Motorola" on it?

HER: Yes, I do! Motorola Surfboard SB5120!

ME: That's right! Okay, I want you to find the skinny black cord -NOT THE ONE THAT UNSCREWS, mind you - in the back of that modem near the bottom and yank it out. That should make all the lights turn off. Is that correct?

HER: Hang on... UHNG! Yes, they all turned off.

ME: Good! Now let's move over to the box with little lights on it that says "Linksys" on it and -

HER: Oh! I'm sorry, I was doing all that to the Linksys box not the Motorola... I'm sorry! So now what do you want me to do?

(Repeat 4 times with slight variations but the same results, then continue)

ME: Okay, so! We now have th Motorola Box with NO LIGHTS lit up on it, and the LINKSYS BOX with NO LIGHTS lit up, is that correct?

HER: That is correct!

ME: Good! Okay then, now all we need to do is -

HER: Except for the lights on the Motorola. But the Online light is off now. So where do I need to screw this big black cable in to anyway?

(Repeat 3 times with slight variations but the same results, then continue)

HER: Well now NONE of the lights are coming on at all. What did you do? I'm tired and I'm going to bed *click*

...And all I can imagine is this poor lil' old lady wandering off to bed, frustrated over the crazy things the mean old Comcast Man had her do. Her modem is connected to her night gown with an intricate weave of cat5 and usb cables, her router is in the microwave set to 45 minutes of "Thaw" and the coaxial cable is firmly planted in her cat's butt giving him all 27 channels of basic cable.