captain_slinky | Back to reality

The other day i was in WalMart and there was a young lady in the Cosmetics area who was purposefully (yet only slightly) "Slutty". Wearing a very tight shirt, low-rider jeans and just enough make-up (HEAVY on the Mascara) to visually say "I'm one of those girls you read about in Penthouse Magazine *wink*". The illusion was shattered, though, by a big "WALMART VENDOR" tag pinned to her shirt, and a bottle of that AXE BODY SPRAY in her hands. Apparently the fine people a AXE had paid her to stand there, spray guys who walked by and go all gooey over him. From what I remember, her spiel went something like "Sniiiiff Mmmmmmm, RrOWWR! That's HOT." and then paw at the guy's chest. Cute! Kinda like the commercials! I smiled at the brilliance of the guerrilla marketing and walked on towards the detergent, my main objective.

Since getting the Lap Band I've dropped over 60 pounds, and I've been feeling like quite the Stud-Muffin. It's true that I've looked in to a mirror to see if I can see the improvements, and I *can*. My self-image has improved dramatically.

So there I am, strutting through WalMart with my Shout Stain Remover and my Diet Iced Tea like some sort of portly John Travolta (I almost ALWAYS have "Stayin' Alive" playing in my head when I'm walking somewhere and thinking that I'm looking good) when I hear this "TSST!" And smell heavy perfume. OH NOES! I have walked in to the web of Sultry Retail Marketing without even realizing it! There's the slightly-slutty *wink-wink* Axe Girl looking me in the eyes!

I've lost weight. I'm feeling Frisky! I've seen the girl do her act on other guys... I'll let her Ooh-And-Ahh over me a litle bit and I'll feel REALLY good aout myself! Why not? I smiled at her. She gazed in to my eyes and said...

"Oh my gosh sir I'm so sorry."