A Bit Of Advice

[captain_slinky]

Due to my recent X-TREEEEEM TRADING SKILLZ, I am in the midst of reading a nice slab of mid-60's Justice League of America comic books. I'm only 4 issues in, but I feel that this needs to be said somewhere.

TO: The Super-Villains Of The 1960's DC Universe

FROM: captain_slinky

RE: Free Advice

Hey there, Super Villains of The 1960's DC Universe! I've been reading your adventures against The Justice league of America and I've noticed a few patterns to your loser behavior that might be useful. Please feel free to use this advice to take over The World or even the Universe as you see fit.

• Okay, you've neutralized the entire Justice League; Superman is next to the Kryptonite, Wonder Woman tied-up with her own Magic Lasso, Martian Manhunter surrounded by flames, The Flash trapped in a Vibration-proof cell, Green Lantern encased in a swirling mass of yellow vapor... you've done good! Now DON'T FORGET ABOUT THE NON-POWERED MEMBERS OF THE JLA! Batman and Green Arrow will come and seriously screw you over! My advice? Shoot 'em right in the face. First thing, before you try to neutralize the rest of the teem. POW! POW! DEAD!
  
• When defeating Superman with Krypronite? Don't just lay it there right next to him! He's not DEAD, he's just SICK and WEAK! He can just pick it up and toss it somewhere! Or any of a plethora of Super-folks could come by and do likewise! Why take the rist? Kryptonite comes in conveniently-shaped jagged dagger bits. Don't bother with cutting and poking, jab that sucker right in his Kryptonian heart!
  
• No mater how Vibration-Proof you make the cell, The Flash will *ALWAYS* be able to push himself harder than ever beofre in order to escape your trap, given enough time. So once you've got him trapped in there? Chop off his arms and legs. Let's see how much good escaping does him when all he can do is inch along the ground like an earthworm!
  
• You really should have figured this one out by now; Wonder Woman *likes* to be tied-up. It's a fun game for her! She *lets* you do it! Once she's tied-up you should just smother her with a pillow and be done with it.
  
• Martian Manhunter? PLEASE forget about just *surrounding* him with fire! Toss a mason jar of gasoline on him and toss a match!
  
• Green Lantern is the worst of all when it comes to you guys screwing up. Why? because you ALWAYS get him with something Yellow and he *seems* like he's completely defeated, but then you give him time to THINK! The simplest solution would be a yellow spike through the head.

Comments

[lynna12000.livejournal.com]

Now, Capt. Slinky, it's not nice to inflict your frustrations with the DC comics of today, on the comics of tomorrow. The comics of the 60's were designed specifically to be inoffensive to adults, and teach positive lessons to children. Alas, the 'voluntary' Comics Code Authority was still in power at the time.

Look at it this way, Molly is unlikely to learn to dress or act like a low rent hooker from those comics. She will learn crime does not pay. At all. Or at least, NOT very well. So she might as well get an honest job to support you and her Mommy in your old age.