Evangelicals

[captain_slinky]

We get a few door-to-door evangelicals in our neighborhood, and up till now I've dealt with them like any other sane person would; I say "Oh no thank you" and take their "Watchtower" or their "Awake" or "Come on down to our Rockin' Christian Mass" invite, and I'm done.

But lately I'veen hatching an evil plan...

Gonna print up a dozen of these on fancery parchment paper. Gonna print contracts.

"Do you have a few moments to talk about your eternal soul?"

Why yes... yes I do! Please, come in! Sit down! Can I get you a drink? Hey that's great... so! Before we begin, and let me tell you I am *very* interested in everything you have to say... would you mind signing this for me? It's just a formality, really... It says that in exchange for me giving you the CHANCE to talk to me about your Lord and your religion and the path of the righteous and eternal damnation and whatnot... in exchange for my time, you promise to give me YOUR SOUL.

Will you do it? Do you believe in your God so strongly that you would trade your own Soul for a chance at converting mine?

Go ahead... take the contract home with you, look it over... come back when you're ready to save me!

Comments

[aurora77]

*giggle*

Doooo eeeeet!

[sasjhwa.livejournal.com]

You had better be careful. I hear some of those Jehovah's Witnesses play a pretty mean fiddle. :D

If you are of the Pastafarian persuasion, they do have tracts to hand out. http://www.venganza.org/materials/#flyers

:D

[pete23.livejournal.com]

once kept a set of xtians at the door of our halls of residence for 9 hours in shifts.

also brought the next set in and kept feeding them tea without an offer of toilet for a looooong time.

problem i have is that this is too easy. i now prefer to fuck with the heads of satanists.

[lynna12000.livejournal.com]

Sounds fun. Or, you could just make a recording of some chanting to with gregorian music in the background, have it play loudly when they come to the door. Then invite them to join black mass; they remind you of your last group of converts; and they were SO much fun.