Failday

[captain_slinky]

Molly didn't eat any of her breakfast this morning, so I blame myself for the terrible day she's had today :(

As far as I've been able to piece together, a classmate told Molly that her best friend (Ben) was DEAD (Ben has been out sick for two days but is not dead I'm pretty sure), so that had her in an upset/frustrated/sad/angry mood already. She's frustrated with school, frustrated with trying to learn, frustrated with teachers trying to correct her. And then in the Library they told her that she couldn't check out any more books! She cried all the way home from Kindergarten today :(

I have fed her, I have let her watch entirely too many cartoons, I have let her give the dog some doggie treats... I'm doing whatever i can to make today better for her but I have all sorts of fear.

I fear that I did it all wrong. I fear that THIS will be the day she looks back on as the beginning of her HATRED for school and learning. I'm petrified. I don't want to move in one direction or the other - do I make the day as good as can be for her which sets the precedent that if she hates school she gets extra attention? Do I scold her and tell her she has to do better, making the association between learning and negative feelings? Do I just ignore it and let her think this type of stuff just happens all the time???

I regret my over-compensation already, wishing I hadn't "rewarded" the behavior :(

Comments

[yshaloo]

Why is the library stopping her from checking out books? Does she have a pile of unreturned books? It seems crazy that a library of all places would discourage a child from reading!

Hopefully this will be a day she remembers as an example of how loved she is. :)

[aurora77]

I read at the 5th grade level in 1st grade and the librarian kept telling me books were "too high level" for me. I've still never read Mr. Popper's Penguins because she wouldn't let me check it out. So I believe there are some out there who would do that.

[captain-slinky.livejournal.com]

I'm a Library Aid twice a week, and during Molly's class visit to the library - I think it was just a glitch in the computer. She was ultimately able to take books home, but to have her day end with a "And also yo0're not allowed to take any books home" was just the topper for a terrible day for her :(

[jillchristina.livejournal.com]

I think this day is a great opportunity for you to teach Molly that some days just suck but that tomorrow is a chance to start over again. Sometimes life sucks. Sometimes we have bad days (maybe give her a not-too-horrible example of a bad day you've had). Tomorrow is a fresh start. When you put her to bed tonight you can remind her that today is over, say good-bye to it, and tomorrow will be another chance to have different experiences.

No parent wants their kid to have a bad day. I think it's ok to try to mitigate the crappy-ness of the day and help our kids back up and dust them off to try again tomorrow.

[jillchristina.livejournal.com]

And you didn't "reward" any behavior. You tried to help someone you love feel better. Just as I'm sure you would have done something nice for Crystal if she had a bad day or she would have done something kind for you when you're having a hard time. Our children are people just like us only they don't have the benefit of our experience to try to pull themselves up by their bootstraps. We have to comfort them and teach them.

[captain-slinky.livejournal.com]

We went to the Library after school and I checked out "Alexander And The Terrible, Rotten, No-Good, Very Bad Day" for our bedtime story tonight :)

[teh-dirty-robot.livejournal.com]

I am not a parent so obviously take this with a whole barrel of salt, but maybe you could do some sort of fun learning activity at home and reinforce it with a "wow, isn't learning awesome?"

[captain-slinky.livejournal.com]

That is an excellent idea, and I'm glad we've been doing it since she was 3 :) 4 out of every 7 nights we have new learning things we do, everything from pages out of store-bought or internet-printed educational pages to science experiments to lots of other fun stuff and she loves it all... except for when we call it "Homework". Then she suddenly hates it. I blame The Disney Channel, or whatever Liberal Left-Wing Media Source is fashionable at the moment :)

[sasjhwa.livejournal.com]

Other than the story of the not dead classmate Molly is having a day like many other kids. Everyone has one of those day every now and then. It isn't her failure. It isn't yours. You are helping her work through it at a level that is appropriate for her age. You are distracting her from schoolwork with stuff she likes (cartoons) and taking that stress off. It is okay to teach her that whatever the stress at school is, home is safe. She will have to do homework or whatever but she can let the stress of it all go at home.

If you are worried that she is going to expect your generous treatment every time she has a bad day tone it back a little next time and a little more the next time until you are at a level you are comfortable with.

I don't know the situation at your library. At ours there is a book out limit. It doesn't matter how voracious you are, a kindergartner is only allowed 2 books out at a time. Unless the librarian waves it. ;-) Your good night story is perfect.

You are doing a great job. Don't stress about it.

Two things that work with Caleb that you might try. If Caleb doesn't eat in the morning I have a box of Z bars and Lara bars that he loves and can easily eat on the way to school.

If some of her school stress involves memorizing things I've found that the couple of minutes I brush Caleb's teeth to be a great time to go over them. When he was in K I would count the brush strokes from 1-20 over and over and over again. I would recite the alphabet. Whatever he was learning. I wouldn't make him repeat it, but he would hear it so often that he couldn't help but learn it. A couple of other parents have also tried it with good results.

[lynna12000.livejournal.com]

What bad behavior? The person who was doing bad things was the rugrat who told her that Ben was dead. You were merely exhibiting excellent parenting skills.