Guilt/Depression cycle

[captain_slinky]

I'm depressed over the death of my Dad. The way I usually get over depression is to start writing stuff. I *want* to write stuff, but every time I sit down to start writing I feel like I should be writing about my Dad. Every time I start writing about my Dad, I get melancholic and depressed. I try to write something else - something *fun*, but then I feel guilty because I owe it to the rest of my family to document and//or report on his remarkable life and final days. Then I feel terrible about how I DON'T want to write those things right now because they are depressing to me and even the THOUGHT of writing about him right now makes me depressed. Of course, the way I usually get over depression is to start writing stuff. I *want* to write stuff, but every time I sit down to start writing I feel like I should be writing about my Dad. And the cycle keeps on churning.

This morning I wrote a jokey little dialogue that transposes The Charlie Brown Christmas Special with Batman, and it felt GREAT - followed by a deep feeling of shame for having "wasted" my time writing something so silly instead of writing about my Dad.

I think this is going to be my last post anywhere for a while about my Dad. I really need to feel good.