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captain_slinkyThis idea was born from the thousands upon thousands of pictures out there of protective fathers polishing their guns while some teenage boy is picking up his prom date. Ones like this:
I think the origins of this idea go back to a Bill Engval bit about telling your daughter's prom date something along the lines of "I'm not afraid to go back to prison" and/or "Whatever you do to HER tonight, I'm gonna do to YOU when I find out about it".
This is cute, but it's getting *old*. I propose that we step it up a bit! And thus was born the idea of...
THE PROTECTIVE FATHER RUG!!!
All you need in order to make one of these are a few old, stained, light-colored "Pleather" (fake leather) jackets, some scissors, some thick black upholstery thread, and a wig. Kick it up with some Lee Press-On Nails, a red Sharpie and a Black Sharpie.
STEP ONE: Disassemble all the Pleather jackets so that all the stitching is removed.
STEP TWO: Sew the pieces together using the upholstery thread in to a Gingerbread-Man shape with a tiny head.
STEP THREE: Sew the wig to where the head should go.
And there you go! A nice, decorative, human-skin rug to put on the floor in front of your favorite chair! Don't mention it, don't draw his attention to it, just let it *be there*. If he asks about it, tell him not to worry about it and change the subject to stories of OTHER boys your daughter has dated.
KICK IT UP A NOTCH by making sure the arms of your rug end in fingers that you can glue fake fingernails to, touch up exposed edges of your Pleather with red sharpie, and put a cheap "Celtic Arm Band" Tattoo on the arm with the black sharpie. Oh, and be sure to be eating a HUGE piece of meat when the kid drops by, preferably something with a great big bone in it - eat it with your hands :)
I think the origins of this idea go back to a Bill Engval bit about telling your daughter's prom date something along the lines of "I'm not afraid to go back to prison" and/or "Whatever you do to HER tonight, I'm gonna do to YOU when I find out about it".
This is cute, but it's getting *old*. I propose that we step it up a bit! And thus was born the idea of...
THE PROTECTIVE FATHER RUG!!!
All you need in order to make one of these are a few old, stained, light-colored "Pleather" (fake leather) jackets, some scissors, some thick black upholstery thread, and a wig. Kick it up with some Lee Press-On Nails, a red Sharpie and a Black Sharpie.
STEP ONE: Disassemble all the Pleather jackets so that all the stitching is removed.
STEP TWO: Sew the pieces together using the upholstery thread in to a Gingerbread-Man shape with a tiny head.
STEP THREE: Sew the wig to where the head should go.
And there you go! A nice, decorative, human-skin rug to put on the floor in front of your favorite chair! Don't mention it, don't draw his attention to it, just let it *be there*. If he asks about it, tell him not to worry about it and change the subject to stories of OTHER boys your daughter has dated.
KICK IT UP A NOTCH by making sure the arms of your rug end in fingers that you can glue fake fingernails to, touch up exposed edges of your Pleather with red sharpie, and put a cheap "Celtic Arm Band" Tattoo on the arm with the black sharpie. Oh, and be sure to be eating a HUGE piece of meat when the kid drops by, preferably something with a great big bone in it - eat it with your hands :)
