captain_slinky | 071 - Old Coot Magnet

I have apparently reached the point in my life where I am an absolute MAGNET for Old Coots, like my Dad was. I think I learned it form him - he always had time to talk to The Old-Timers, and then later in life always loved to talk at the youngsters from the Old Coot position.

The Old Coot Hunting Grounds seem to be my local Value Village, where I am continuously stopped by little old men who want to tell me about their favorite World War II novel or about this great Fishing Hole or how used to be you didn't wear T-shirts anywhere except under your regular clothes. I have shaken hands with, hugged, carried bags for and non-committally discussed politics with more men in US War Veteran Trucker Caps than most anyone I know, and I'm rarely the one to instigate these situations. They just *happen*.

Today's best Old Coot was channeling my Dad. Large glasses, aqua-blue windbreaker, tan slacks, Trucker Cap that indicated he had been stationed on a Battleship during Vietnam. He had that proud/happy look on his face that I knew from my Dad all too well, the look that said "I found the best deal in the entire store". He was pushing his shopping cart towards a woman a bit too much like my own Mother shaking her head and saying "No... NO! You have TOO MANY VCR's already! NO! Put it back!"

THe Old Coot turned to me, his face now sad, and asked "Help me out here, Son..." to which I had to admit that it *was* a pretty sweet looking VCR. "It's got the REMOTE and EVERYTHING!" he continued.

Wow, well, yeah, I mean... it has the Remote Control! That's a good deal... and a NAME BRAND, too! This is a good one

"NO. HE HAS SIX VCR'S SITTING AT HOME RIGHT NOW!"

Well yeah, but this one's a real beauty!

"...And besides," spoke the Old Coot, now empowered and emboldened by my encouragement, "I'm going to NEED another VCR to watch all these movies with!"

It was then that the wife and I noticed he had a second shopping cart, FULL of VHS tapes. She did an exaggerated "Oh my God I feel faint I may pass out" move, and the Old Coot got that look - THAT LOOK! - that my Dad would get whenever he had pulled a particularly well-orchestrated maneuver on my Mom. I believe my Mom called it the "The Bird That Swallowed The Canary" look? He never intended to buy the VCR, he never intended to buy the tapes... his only intention was to get THIS REACTION out of his wife, an with my help it WORKED.

As his wife grabbed the two carts away from the Old Coot and started pushing them both back to the Electronics area while rambling on and on about damned VCR's and damned video tapes in her damn house and how sick she was of this and this was going to end RIGHT NOW, the Old Coot shook my hand with a huge smile and thanked me before chasing her down with a "But SWEETUMS, you heard the kid... this one's a REAL BEAUT! Has the Remote and everything!"