captain_slinky | Good Parenting, Period.

All my life, popular media has been preparing me for the day that my daughter would have her First Period. As a Father, I was told that I will be unable to keep from "Freaking Out", things would get weird, and that this would change EVERYTHING. ESPECIALLY if I was alone with her when it happened! If I was lucky, I *might* be able to hand her off to a nurse, cashiere, stripper or other Responsible Adult Female who would take care of all the "Down There Lady Bizzniss" for us. No matter WHAT happened, though, as a Father I would be spending the next several days alone in my garage workshop fixing my motorcycle/lawnmower/toaster trying to avoid the issue.

PLEASE NOTE, I didn't "prepare". I didn't "study". I didn't consult feminist blogs and psychological specialists looking for the best way to "Handle The Situation" so that my daughters fragile psyche wouldn't be scarred from this turmoil. I didn't plan a Moon Goddess Welcoming Ceremony where all her aunts and grandmothers could come to celebrate and praise her glorious newfound womanhood. So trust me when I say that this is coming from a position that is far from "woke" on the subject, okay?

And so this morning, when Molly got her First Period, it was handled by both of us with about as much severity and sincerity as running out of toilet paper.

"Daddy, I think I got my period..."
"Cool. You need a pad?"
"Yeah... wow that's a lot of blood! Can you check and see if there's any on my bed?"
"Yeah, hang on... yup, just a tiny bit"
"Aww MAN! That means I have to put sheets on my bed!"

AND THAT WAS IT. Hollywood, why you gotta LIE like that???