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The Big Burger
Jul. 19th, 2002 10:19 amEver eaten at Mr. Bill’s restaurant in either Lynnwood or Everett? It's a nifty 50's-themed diner with HUGE menues and great Chicken-Fried Steak. They have an item on their menu that is a $30 burger... but if you can eat it in under one-half hour, you get it for free. Each burger contains 6 POUNDS of MEAT (before cooking, unknown how much they weigh afterwards) covered in American cheese, a heavy whole-wheat bun the size of 2 Big New Yorker pizzas from Pizza-hut, two tomatoes worth of sliced tomatoes, 4 cups of shredded lettuce, a cup of sliced dill pickles, and a cup of Thousand Island dressing. Oh, and full pound of French fries on the side that have to be consumed as well.
Local radio station 100.7 (The Buzz) put on a contest last night at the Everett Mall Mr. Bill’s Restaurant, known as "The Glutton Bowl". Many gluttonous events where scheduled (such as speed-nachos, mini-burger races, mustard chugging, and many bottles of tabbascco consumed), but the main event was involving The Big Burger... with fabulous cash prizes! If any of the 6 contestants could finish The Big Burger and the fries within the allotted one-half hour, they would win $500. If NO ONE could finish The Big Burger, then the remains of each contestant’s meal would be weighed, and then the $500 would be divided between the top 3 contestants who had eaten the most; $300, $125, and $75 (respectively). Oh, and the other contestants would get CD’s, Mr. Bill’s Gift Certificates, and tickets to the Tom Leykis "Bite This, Seattle" Listener party (click for more info). For those who do not know, the Tom Leykis "Bite This, Seattle" party is held during the annual "Bite Of Seattle" Food Festival, and is mainly a good way for people to get drunk and watch used women (you know the ones... they were hot when they were 18-22, but now they're 40 and desperate for attention) get drunk and nekid.
Once I heard about this contest, I knew I had to try and enter. I've been practicing my entire life for a chance like this! So Crystal and I drove to the Everett mall and waited there for *7 hours* just to make sure we were the first ones there and guaranteed to get in to the Big Burger competition. I won't bore you with the intircacies of how we did it (as this post is all ready WAY too long), but eventually I was chosen to be one of the 12 finalists, and then the crowd would decided (by volume of applause) who got to compete in the "Big Burger" contest, and who had to go to the lesser competitions.
When I got up on the impromtu stage, I used my vast knowledge of WWF Wrestling Superstar Grandstanding to guarantee my position in the top 6... Hulk Hogan, The Rock, and just a touch of "Hacksaw" Jim Dugan, combined with a few well-placed Austin-Powers "Fat Bastard" quotes from BJ Shae (the Dj in charge of the competition) made the audience fall in love with me. I was in! So the final six ended up being (I don't remember names, just what i thought of them and what the audience called them):
Local radio station 100.7 (The Buzz) put on a contest last night at the Everett Mall Mr. Bill’s Restaurant, known as "The Glutton Bowl". Many gluttonous events where scheduled (such as speed-nachos, mini-burger races, mustard chugging, and many bottles of tabbascco consumed), but the main event was involving The Big Burger... with fabulous cash prizes! If any of the 6 contestants could finish The Big Burger and the fries within the allotted one-half hour, they would win $500. If NO ONE could finish The Big Burger, then the remains of each contestant’s meal would be weighed, and then the $500 would be divided between the top 3 contestants who had eaten the most; $300, $125, and $75 (respectively). Oh, and the other contestants would get CD’s, Mr. Bill’s Gift Certificates, and tickets to the Tom Leykis "Bite This, Seattle" Listener party (click for more info). For those who do not know, the Tom Leykis "Bite This, Seattle" party is held during the annual "Bite Of Seattle" Food Festival, and is mainly a good way for people to get drunk and watch used women (you know the ones... they were hot when they were 18-22, but now they're 40 and desperate for attention) get drunk and nekid.
Once I heard about this contest, I knew I had to try and enter. I've been practicing my entire life for a chance like this! So Crystal and I drove to the Everett mall and waited there for *7 hours* just to make sure we were the first ones there and guaranteed to get in to the Big Burger competition. I won't bore you with the intircacies of how we did it (as this post is all ready WAY too long), but eventually I was chosen to be one of the 12 finalists, and then the crowd would decided (by volume of applause) who got to compete in the "Big Burger" contest, and who had to go to the lesser competitions.
When I got up on the impromtu stage, I used my vast knowledge of WWF Wrestling Superstar Grandstanding to guarantee my position in the top 6... Hulk Hogan, The Rock, and just a touch of "Hacksaw" Jim Dugan, combined with a few well-placed Austin-Powers "Fat Bastard" quotes from BJ Shae (the Dj in charge of the competition) made the audience fall in love with me. I was in! So the final six ended up being (I don't remember names, just what i thought of them and what the audience called them):
The Hippie Kid
Number 3
The little chick with the nice rack
