Guilt

Over here in Washington, our biggest problems have been setting our Holiday Spending Limit for eachother (no more than $200) and deciding if we should dip in to our Disney Fund to buy some extra-special presents.

Back in Ohio, khristle's best friend is living in a trailer without any heat becaue she can't afford the initial $500 Propane fill-up. She and her 3-year-old daughter are staying in one bedroom with a kerosene heater huddled up for warmth. She makes about $100 per month too much to qualify for any State-run emergency assistance, so they just have to hope the survive till Spring. So much for Christmas there.

I hate myself for being so selfish right about now. We could just cut back a bit on Christmas and then dip in to the Disney Fund and buy the Propane, but I keep on getting this feeling of "No! That's our money! We worked hard to save that money, and it's for us!" and thn I realize how selfish that is and AAAAAARGH!!!

I just don't want to hear about them getting frostbite or freezing to death or something, because I'll always know that *I* could have personally stopped it from happening if I just hadn't been so selfish. But I thought it was more important to give my money to a huge corporation than it was to keep a little girl and her mommy from freezing.

We had already planned on sending them a big box full of gifts (because every little girl deserves to open presents on Christmas morning), but now it just seems so futile. "Gee, thanks for the Barbie, Santa... I'll dress her in her formal gown just as soon as I can feel my fingers again", ya know?

And to top it all off, my Mother-In-Law is having serious medical problems that are making me consider transfering to Ohio so we can be closer.