SQUEE!!! (And I don't "Squee" very easy)!

Weird Al Yankovick has posted an mp3 of one of the songs off his new album FOR FREE on his website! Just scroll down a bit for the link, or you can possibly get it by right-clicking and saving the file from Here!

And in case you're wondering, yes it's a parody. It's a parody of the James Blunt song "You're Beautiful", only weird-al-ized in to "You're Pittiful".

Enjoy!

Gratuitous profanity

I rarely ever use profanity just because it's such a "common" and "unintelligent" way to express your emotions. But tonight?

( Cut for gratuitous use of naughty words... viewer discretion is advised )

Terminally stupid

There's only three cables that come out of a Cable Modem, each of them VERY different from the other two, and this is EXACTLY how I describe them to the customer:

Cable ONE is THE COAX CABLE. Theis is the same type of cable that screws in to the back of your TV set for Cable Television. It is the only cable back there that screws in.

Cable TWO is the Ethernet Cable, AKA "The Cat-5". It is distinctive because it has what looks like a big, fat, square "Phone Jack" type of connector on the end of it. It is the only cable back there with a square end on it.

Cable THREE is the ELECTRICAL CORD. It is the skinniest of the cords, skinny almost like a speaker wire, whereas the other two are fat cords about as thick as a pencil. This cord leads to an alectrical outlet, and this is the only cord we need to do anything with at this time.

I confirm this information with the customer before we continue, then I ask the customer to unplug the SKINNY ELECTRICAL CORD from the modem. They can go ahead and just yank it right out of the back of the modem, that's okay, it yanks out just like your headphones on a Walkman.

Customer says "Okay... got it."

I say (in order to confirm that it was indeed the correct cable he yanked) "Great! So now there should be NO LIGHTS lit up on the cable modem AT ALL... is that correct?

Silence.

"Uhm... waitaminit... Oops! I unplugged the wrong one! Which one did you want me to do again?"

I'm a patient man... I know simple mistakes can be made. I forgive the customer and describe the cables again.

And he fails again, unscrewing the coax cable instead of just unplugging the electricity. We once again go over the details of his mission, CAREFULLY explaining the differences between the cables he is to unplug and the ones he is NOT to unplug.

Another failure. Undid the Ethernet, oops! "I thought you said... Oh! *don't* unplug that one! Boy, this is HARD!"

Process of elimination should make the third try a charm, right? Just unplug the one cable you didn't unplug before! Easy!

Not so easy. I have no idea what he actually unplugged and neither does he, but the lights are still lit-up on the modem. THen he goes "Oh! Wait a minute... there! Lights are off!"

I swear he wasn't just messing with me. He REALLY had no idea what he was doing. The rest of the call went similarly down-hill with him apologizing and explaining that he just wasn't very good with computers. Sure I felt bad for him, but only in the way that you feel bad for the dude getting hit in the crotch with a baseball bat on America's Funniest Home Videos, ya know?