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Distraction
May. 26th, 2011 02:15 pmI've been trying to hard to NOT think about my cat that it's become the only thing I can think about. Like, EVERY FRIGGIN' MOMENT of EVFERY FRIGGIN' DAY. I put on a brave face for Molly and Crystal, but I'm an absolute wreck. Becuase I somehow feel like I need to hid this I spend lots of time crying in secret.
I can't sleep. I have trouble eating. I have that constant "No I will NOT cry not right now" headache going on...
Huffy hasn't eaten or had any water or gone to the bathroom in over 48 hours. He didn't even go outside yesterday at all, just laid in our bed happy as could be. This morning at about 7am he wanted to go outside and I let him go.
I haven't seen him since then.
I've called for him, I've sat with the door wide open and waited for hours on end... nothing. Every time I've let him outside during the past week, I've seriously thought that this is the last time I'll ever see him.
It's a beautiful sunshiney day with enough wind going on to bring him a steady stream of new scents wherever he's decided to go for the purpose of sunning himself. And if this *is* it... if this morning really was the last time... at least I know that he's gone in the happiest way possible.
He started as a strictly indoor cat for Crystal and I, just a few months after we moved in together. When we finally moved out of our apartment and in to a nice place in a nice neighborhood with a nice yard and a nice pet door... when he discovered the great outdoors... he really found himself.
He made himself King of The Cul De Sac very quickly. He found the best, sunniest places to survey his kingdom from. He was no longer a house cat, he was now a LION. He protected us fiercely, patrolling our yard and neighborhood on a daily basis.
He loved being an outdoor cat.
He's outdoors right now, maybe forever. Part of me really hopes that this *is* it so it can all be over with and done, and I can allow myself to grieve rather than this constant worrying and holding back of tears. I just want a day to cry and remember so I can move on.
I can't sleep. I have trouble eating. I have that constant "No I will NOT cry not right now" headache going on...
Huffy hasn't eaten or had any water or gone to the bathroom in over 48 hours. He didn't even go outside yesterday at all, just laid in our bed happy as could be. This morning at about 7am he wanted to go outside and I let him go.
I haven't seen him since then.
I've called for him, I've sat with the door wide open and waited for hours on end... nothing. Every time I've let him outside during the past week, I've seriously thought that this is the last time I'll ever see him.
It's a beautiful sunshiney day with enough wind going on to bring him a steady stream of new scents wherever he's decided to go for the purpose of sunning himself. And if this *is* it... if this morning really was the last time... at least I know that he's gone in the happiest way possible.
He started as a strictly indoor cat for Crystal and I, just a few months after we moved in together. When we finally moved out of our apartment and in to a nice place in a nice neighborhood with a nice yard and a nice pet door... when he discovered the great outdoors... he really found himself.
He made himself King of The Cul De Sac very quickly. He found the best, sunniest places to survey his kingdom from. He was no longer a house cat, he was now a LION. He protected us fiercely, patrolling our yard and neighborhood on a daily basis.
He loved being an outdoor cat.
He's outdoors right now, maybe forever. Part of me really hopes that this *is* it so it can all be over with and done, and I can allow myself to grieve rather than this constant worrying and holding back of tears. I just want a day to cry and remember so I can move on.
