Why I have never WISHED you a Happy Birthday

It used to happen every year - I'd wish people a Happy Birthday, then they'd go and have a wonderful birthday. But then ONE time I forgot to wish somebody a Happy Birthday and you know what happened?

They had a wonderful Birthday!

Awww, MAN! That's so lame! What if some crazy Genie or other wish-granting entity decided that TODAY is the day that they're gonna fulfill one of my wishes? Like those girls in "Freaky Friday", where they don't know it's gonna happen but they both wish they could be the other person at the same second and BAM! THEY GOT THEIR WISH! So there's the Genie, waiting for me to make a wish, waiting all day long, and then I say "Hey! I'd like to wish you a Happy Birthday!" to somebody and the Genie's all "Well heck THAT one's EASY because all these other fools already planned a party and got presents for them! WISH GRANTED!

OH MAN! THAT WAS MY ONE WISH!!! AND THOSE DICKS RUINED IT BY ALREADY MAKING SURE YOUR BIRTHDAY WAS HAPPY!!! NO FAIR!!!

It's like going to a picnic and bringing a bottle of ketchup and the host says "Oh, hey, cool, you can never have enough Ketchup" and then puts it on the table next to like FOUR OTHER BOTTLES OF KETCHUP! There's no way we're going to eat all that Ketchup! That's like three dollars I just spent on something you can get for FREE at any Fast Food joint! That is a waste of perfectly good Ketchup!

SO! In summary:

I am glad you had a good Birthday, I am glad I did not waste my wish on the guaranteed happiness of your birthday because I knew you have many friends who would take care of that, always start each and every day by saying "I wish I had a Billion Wishes" followed by "I wish I had a Pony" (just to confirm or deny that the Genie was listening), and it should be okay to bring Ketchup Packets to any Potluck-style gathering.

Nerd Rage at The End Of The World

I'm getting tired of this.



Why? Not because I believe in the 2012 "End Of The World" thing, but because it wasn't Marty McFly who went to 2015, it was *A* Marty McFly. And just because THAT Marty McFly visited *A* 2015 doesn't mean that OUR timeline will make it all the way to OUR 2015.

Follow me down the rabbit hole here...

The original Back To The Future is *our* world. It's a world where George McFly is a dweeb, Biff Tannen is a jerk, and Marty dreams of taking his teenage girlfriend up to the mountains in a brand new truck so they can zip their sleeping bags together because THAT'S the power of love.

But when Marty got in that time machine and traveled back to 1955, he created TWO different Marty McFly's... possibly even more!

Because now there's ALSO a Marty McFLy that grew up as the son of a well-respected and presumably wealthy Sci-Fi novelist! His family has Biff Tannen as some sort of butler/errand-boy doing auto detailing! A completely different Marty McFly who, for some unknown reason, was helping a crazy scientist in the middle of the night at the Lone Pine Mall and jumped in to a time machine for an unknown destination (we can only assume it was 1955, but that's a conversation for another time*).

All we know from the Back To The Future trilogy is that *A* Marty McFly traveled to an alternate timeline where Earth has survived the Apocalypse of 2012**, which is kind of like saying "I know that all jellybeans are red because I just picked one out of this giant bag of assorted jelly beans and IT was red".

*Maybe in the Rich Marty McFly's timeline, Doc Brown never got nostalgic and typed in November 1955 and instead kept the original setting for October 2015.

**Maybe one of the many Marty McFly's created by all this timeline tinkering went back and created the Mayan Calendar as a warning to future generations regarding the Apocalypse of 2012, thus ensuring that OUR Marty was able to travel to an unapocalypsed 2015