captain_slinky | Messing with The Scammers

BACKGROUND: There's a phone scam going around, you may get a phone call from somebody with a thick Indian accent who calls you by name and claims to be from "The Microsofts". He's calling you today because your computer is sending them error messages and hacker intrusion alarms and he's happy to help you protect your computer for FREE, all he needs is your credit card information to verify that this is indeed the person who owns the computer.

I've gotten this call three times in the past year. Today was the third time.

But today they called MY phone, asking for Crystal.

It went like this.

ME: (in the gruff, manly voice I reserve for whenever I get an Unknown Caller call on my cell phone) "Hello".

SCAMMER: "Hello, jess... Creestal? Ees thees Creestal?"

ME: (switching to over-the-top Dame Edna / Monty Python Female Voice) "Ewwell hellLOOOOOO! Yes, yes this *is* Crystal! How are you today, darling?"

I let him go through his whole spiel about Microsofts and viruses and hacker alerts, all the while throwing in appropriate gasps and "Oh MY" commentary. Then we got to the Credit Card Validation and I told him to hang on while I went to go get my card.

So I set the phone down and went to play a game on the Wii with Molly in my regular voice, every once in a while switching to the Dame Edna voice to shout something like "Well THAT'S not it... where did I put that silly credit card? HANG ON, MICROSOFTS! I'M WORKING ON IT!!!"

I finally got back to him and read off the customer number from my old Safeway Select Member Card, he said that wasn't a proper credit card number, I argued with him for a bit about how it works at Safeway then I broke down in to fake tears and BEGGED him to PLEASE help me with my virus hacker problems! PLEASE!!!

Then he hung up.

Just like The Microsofts... they NEVER give you help when you TRULY need it :(