Even SUPERMAN gets random useless gifts

[captain_slinky]

I feel for those aliens. Superman saves their entire planet from some rogue evil space-dictator octopus or something, and the people of that planet are all "OMG that must have been the most epic battle Superman's ever been in! We need to get him a gift! Something to show our appreciation!" and so they shop around forever, pick up a few different things that *might* be nice but really just not *right*. Then they decide to go with a Gag Gift, something cheesy like a Chia Pet or ironic like a Batman T-shirt but NO! This is IMPORTANT! This guy saved the entire PLANET! Put it back, put it all back! Okay, back to Square One, WHAT DO YOU GET FOR SUPERMAN???" And then one Alin guy was like "I've got it! You know how he's always flying around everywhere? That probably makes him really tired, right? Well let's get him a FLYING BELT! He could use it whenever he needs to take a little break! Don't feel like flying today, Superman? That's okay, remember saving us while WE take care of the flying FOR YOU!"

"BRILLIANT!" they all shout! "The perfect gift!" And so they arrange their big presentation ceremony with marching bands and giant celebrations, and they present Superman with the gift, and he's all "Oh, heyyyyyy.... look at that! It's a, uh..." and the Aliens are all "IT'S A FLYING BELT!" And Superman has to be all "Well YEAH it's a Flying Belt! I love it! It'll... this is... wow you guys, thanks so much! This is... this is just *great*. Where did you buy such a thing? It must have really cost a lot... did you kep th receipt? No? That's cool, that's cool... no, I - I love it! I just... I really need to get back to Earth is all. Thanks again for the Flying Belt!" and then he takes off.

The Aliens think they really impressed Superman. Meanwhile, Superman is so UNIMPRESSED that he puts it in some sort of guest-room of The Fortress Of Solitude where even Daily Planet Editor-In-Chief PERRY FRICKIN' WHITE can find it, right next to the One-Minute Matter Dematerialization Projector. Perry probably even asked Superman for the story behind it, and he was all "Meh, some grateful aliens gave it to me or something, I don't know".

THIS IS WHAT IT IS LIKE EVERY TIME I TRY TO BUY A GIFT FOR MY BROTHER!!!

Comments

[sasjhwa.livejournal.com]

Wasn't there a time very early in Superman's history that he couldn't fly? Didn't he originally just leap over tall buildings and such?

In a classic case of superdickery, Superman has a flying belt in his closet. His good buddy Batman literally breaks his body fighting crime every night without any powers at all. He only relies on skill and gear. But Superman doesn't re-gift the totally useless to him but life changing (and probably saving) gift to his friend Bruce. He has gear, the one thing Batman drools over (okay, he drools over Catwoman too) but never gives it to him.

[aurora77]

I was thinking the same thing! So many other good guys would give anything for gear like that, but Superman just tosses it in a storage room somewhere. Dick. What else has he got in there?

This reminds me, I haven't been to superdickery.com for quite a long time!

[hallerlake.livejournal.com]

Didn't know your brother could fly :)