captain_slinky | 068 - Profiles Of My Life: Aunt Susan

Been meaning to do this for a while, a series of memories/impressions of important folks in my life, starting with family. Not really sure how to describe this, other than being maybe those few simple memories and first impressions of people that kind of *define* that person for me. You'll figure it out as you read, I'm sure :)

I'm sure that people will want to nitpick and correct details of this, but just remember; this is *my* recollections and reflections, recorded for posterity as I remember them. Since I am not you, I may not remember these events and situations the exact same as you ;)

First up, my Aunt Susan. The eldest sister of my Mother. She lives over in Wenatchee, or as we always call it "Over The Mountain" in Eastern Washington. A visit from Aunt Susan was ALWAYS an event! She would drive over the Mountain Pass in a Pontiac T-Top Firebird Trans-Am crammed full of various fruits and vegetables that were always dirt-cheap on that side of the Cascade Mountain Range. Big, brassy, outspoken woman unafraid to shout her opinions from the rooftops and take control of any situation, she was like a classic "Drag Queen" without the Drag.

My favorite memory with my Aunt Susan was a rare (perhaps the only?) time that she and I got to spend time alone, together. I have mentioned this to her once or twice over the years and she has no recollection whatsoever of this, which just proves that you never get to choose what events and experiences will be the ones people remember about you. You can try to wow them with expensive gifts and life-changing adventures, but it always boils down to "Remember that time you wore that hat and I laughed at it?"

My internal clock wants to say it was December of 1985, when I was 12 years old. I was on Christmas Vacation from school and both my parents had to work that day, so somehow it was decided that Susan (who was visiting our side of the mountain for the holidays) and I would go Christmas Shopping in Oak Harbor. We made the 20-minute drive there in her Pontiac Trans-Am Firebird and I remember feeling like I was alternating between being an Astronaut and Burt Reynolds.

I remember that she had a key chain shaped like a foot, and it was made of lead. The 20-minute trip to Ok Harbor took about 10 minutes.

We tried to find a parking spot near the cool little shops in Oak Harbor and found none, so decided to try Fred Meyer. The parking lot was PACKED and Susan flippantly said "Yeesh the closest parking is going to be at the far side of the parking lot at that Subway Restaurant!" We then had a very sitcom moment where we looked at each other and gasped "SUBWAY?!?" in unison. Neither of us had ever eaten at a Subway before but had recently seen the commercials. The decision was quickly made that no Christmas Shopping would be happening today, we needed Subway Sandwiches!

We split a foot-long Meatball Sub and headed home reeking of Marinara Sauce. All the way home we took turns complaining about the entire experience and punctuating each complaint with a catch-phrase that shaped my entire view of dealing with less-than-pleasing results, a phrase that I don't remember if she had ever used before or since then, but for THIS trip it was the end of every sentence like some new form of period "Well, Lesson Learned I guess".

"SIX BUCKS for a foot-long sandwich that I doubt was actually a foot-long? Well, lesson learned I guess..." Silence for a few minutes. "And those MEATBALLS! Since when is SAWDUST considered to be a MEAT? Well, Lesson Learned I guess..." More silence. "SIX DOLLARS! We could have gone to McDonalds or Burger King or - or - or I don't know! SIX DOLLARS! Well, Lesson Learned I guess..."

I don't know if she ever actually ate another Subway Sandwich again, but I knew that as far as right then and right there she would NEVER eat at one of their restaurants ever again in all of forever, her complaints had THAT MUCH GRAVITY to them.

By the time we got home, it was over and done.

Get your complaints out and in the open RIGHT NOW, acknowledge them, vow to never let them happen again, then forget them so you can move on. Lesson learned, I guess :)