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104 - The Date
Apr. 25th, 2015 07:51 amI had indicated, implied and outright stated several times to the lady sitting at the bar next to me that I wasn't *looking* for anyone, I had just missed the last ferry to Anacortes and was waiting for the next one. The bar was packed (especially considering how small a town Friday Harbor is) so it was easy to assume that maybe she hadn't heard me the first few times, but now we were at least an hour in to this and she still had not given up. Over the course of the past sixty-some minutes she had drank herself from friendly-flirtatious all the way to drunken disorderly.
I split my time there taking sips of my six-dollar thimble of cranberry juice through the worlds tiniest straw, staring at the TV mounted above the Bar wishing I knew anything about whatever sport they were playing so I could seem more invested in it, and brushing off the advances of the lady as politely as possible.
After a half-dozen progressively drunken passes at me where I learned that she was newly single, had never done this type of thing before, hated to drink alone, had her own place just a few blocks from here, really didn't want to be alone tonight and intended to get so drunk she would probably end up doing something she regretted, she was getting desperate. She must have noticed that I was engrossed by the sports on the TV (it had switched to Hockey, which I at least know a little bit of) and took the opportunity for boldest move of the night. She put her head on the bar right next to the hand I was holding my Cranberry Juice with, and she LICKED MY HAND.
Despite being all too aware of what had just happened, I continued to feign deep interest in the sports hovering above us rather than think about the situation.
"HEY!" the lady said in that louder-than-normal-but-not-quite-shouting Bar Voice that only severely buzzed people seem to get. She smiled because I think she may have just realized how VERY drunk she had gotten and was somewhat proud of herself. She started poking me in the shoulder. "I JUST LICKED YOU! I... I LICKED YOUR HAND! WHAT... WHATAREYOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?" The breakdown of that one sentence had so much of a story in it, in the way she said it and her facial expressions through it, it deserves a break-down.
"HEY!" - Whoa, that was loud - am I that loud? I must be really drunk! Let's see now, what was I... oh yeah!
"I JUST LICKED YOU!" There, now he knows what I'm up to! I'm so proud! And also, WOW, yeah I'm drunk. Like, REALLY drunk. Did I even tell him that I liked his hand yet? Maybe I should...
"I..." Am I drunk, or is it really really loud in here? I better get a little closer and speak a little louder...
"I LICKED YOUR HAND!" There! Now he knows that his hand was licked and that I did it! He'll have to stop paying attention to the sports and pay attention to ME now! I'm so clever! Booze makes me SO CLEVER! Keep going, Booze!
"WHAT..." Whoa, room is kind of spinning now, that's not good. Oh crap, what was I doing? Think, think... OH! THE HAND THING! Quick! Say it before you forget it!
"WHATAREYOU" Okay, hang on, slow down... am I being like super-loud right now? Press on, girl... lay it on THICK now! Finish with the flirty Baby Voice, bat your eyelashes, maybe toss in a wink or two so he knows what you mean"
"GONNA DO ABOUT IT" Touch his arm! Smile! Wink! No, wait, BAT THE EYELASHES! NO YOU'RE JUST BLINKING NOW! TOO LATE! GO WITH IT! TAKE ME, YOU MAGNIFICENT HAIRY MAN-STALLION!!!
I turned to face her and smiled, saying with a laugh "What am I going to do about it? I'm going to have a great story to tell my wife and my daughter when I get home, that's what I'm going to do!"
Without missing a beat, she then leaned in towards me to whisper-yell in my ear "WELL THEN LET'S GIVE 'EM A STORY YOU *CAN'T* TELL THEM ABOUT" and leaned back on her bar stool with a surprised, satisfied look on her face, like she had no idea that she was the one who had said that but yeah, that works! That's great! Good job, booze!
Then she fell off her bar stool.
Only a half-hour till the next Ferry, maybe I'll go wait by the dock just to be sure I make it on this one.
I split my time there taking sips of my six-dollar thimble of cranberry juice through the worlds tiniest straw, staring at the TV mounted above the Bar wishing I knew anything about whatever sport they were playing so I could seem more invested in it, and brushing off the advances of the lady as politely as possible.
After a half-dozen progressively drunken passes at me where I learned that she was newly single, had never done this type of thing before, hated to drink alone, had her own place just a few blocks from here, really didn't want to be alone tonight and intended to get so drunk she would probably end up doing something she regretted, she was getting desperate. She must have noticed that I was engrossed by the sports on the TV (it had switched to Hockey, which I at least know a little bit of) and took the opportunity for boldest move of the night. She put her head on the bar right next to the hand I was holding my Cranberry Juice with, and she LICKED MY HAND.
Despite being all too aware of what had just happened, I continued to feign deep interest in the sports hovering above us rather than think about the situation.
"HEY!" the lady said in that louder-than-normal-but-not-quite-shouting Bar Voice that only severely buzzed people seem to get. She smiled because I think she may have just realized how VERY drunk she had gotten and was somewhat proud of herself. She started poking me in the shoulder. "I JUST LICKED YOU! I... I LICKED YOUR HAND! WHAT... WHATAREYOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT?" The breakdown of that one sentence had so much of a story in it, in the way she said it and her facial expressions through it, it deserves a break-down.
"HEY!" - Whoa, that was loud - am I that loud? I must be really drunk! Let's see now, what was I... oh yeah!
"I JUST LICKED YOU!" There, now he knows what I'm up to! I'm so proud! And also, WOW, yeah I'm drunk. Like, REALLY drunk. Did I even tell him that I liked his hand yet? Maybe I should...
"I..." Am I drunk, or is it really really loud in here? I better get a little closer and speak a little louder...
"I LICKED YOUR HAND!" There! Now he knows that his hand was licked and that I did it! He'll have to stop paying attention to the sports and pay attention to ME now! I'm so clever! Booze makes me SO CLEVER! Keep going, Booze!
"WHAT..." Whoa, room is kind of spinning now, that's not good. Oh crap, what was I doing? Think, think... OH! THE HAND THING! Quick! Say it before you forget it!
"WHATAREYOU" Okay, hang on, slow down... am I being like super-loud right now? Press on, girl... lay it on THICK now! Finish with the flirty Baby Voice, bat your eyelashes, maybe toss in a wink or two so he knows what you mean"
"GONNA DO ABOUT IT" Touch his arm! Smile! Wink! No, wait, BAT THE EYELASHES! NO YOU'RE JUST BLINKING NOW! TOO LATE! GO WITH IT! TAKE ME, YOU MAGNIFICENT HAIRY MAN-STALLION!!!
I turned to face her and smiled, saying with a laugh "What am I going to do about it? I'm going to have a great story to tell my wife and my daughter when I get home, that's what I'm going to do!"
Without missing a beat, she then leaned in towards me to whisper-yell in my ear "WELL THEN LET'S GIVE 'EM A STORY YOU *CAN'T* TELL THEM ABOUT" and leaned back on her bar stool with a surprised, satisfied look on her face, like she had no idea that she was the one who had said that but yeah, that works! That's great! Good job, booze!
Then she fell off her bar stool.
Only a half-hour till the next Ferry, maybe I'll go wait by the dock just to be sure I make it on this one.
