Captain Slinky's Sweet-N-Sour Xmas Special

[captain_slinky]

Christmas was... well... it was one of those years that makes me want to plan on being sick next year so I can avoid my family. It all started on Christmas Eve when my mom got angry/pissy/bitchy about getting a new computer. Yes, the new computer that my Dad paid for and I slaved over making be a perfect experience for her. From the moment of The Big Reveal, she acted as if we had given her a mouth full of Dog Crap for Christmas. "That's a STUPID gift, Jim." "I won't even use it." I don't WANT a new computer." "No usb port on the front of the computer? you mean I have to use this cable that hooks it to the back? Well this *is* a pretty shoddy piece of work, isn't it?" "Oh GAWD...Do you HAVE to set it up NOW?"

Seriously, she didn't even want to have me set it up for her. And you know why? because she had a plate of cookies sitting in the place on her kitchen counter where she wanted to set it up. A PLATE OF COOKIES!!! See, Mom, thing about plates of cookies? They can be *moved* with little or no effort.

Then she continued to bitch and berate my poor Dad, which just made him feel sicker and sicker. And my Mom wonders why he seems to have lost the will to live :(

Then my Brother and his family got there and things got a little bit better. khristle and I prepared the entire Christmas Dinner (which was a repeat of Thanksgiving dinner because my Brother and his family had missed-out on it this year), and NO ONE TALKED DURING THE MEAL. My sister, Beth, complimented me once during the dinner, and NO ONE CHIMED IN. It was like eating at a prison. Apparently no one liked the food, no one appreciated us doing all the cooking, no one had any opinions at all. Just dead. awkward SILENCE.

Yes, this Christmas truly proved the old sayings about how it's not the *gifts* but the company that you keep. All the gifts I received were kick-ass, top-notch items of pur epleasure. But having to deal with my Mom made it the WORST Christmas I've ever had... and that INCLUDES the year I "Skipped" Christmas!

Things got MUCH better once we got home, though, and were able to have our *real* Christmas with just me, Crystal and Molly. We got to watch her open all her presents and play with Tickle-Me-Elmo and run away from my remote-control hellicopter and we all ate candy till we were sick. So thanks to My Girls, Christmas was SAVED! I was able to go to sleep Christmas Night full of contentment and happy :)

Next year, though... we're gonna just stay home for Christmas Eve and maybe go *visit* relatives on Christmas Day.

Comments

[fritters.livejournal.com]

Your mom sucks.

[captain-slinky.livejournal.com]

Yes... yes she does.

[schizoauthoress.livejournal.com]

At least you got to have a genuine, accept-no-substitutes good Christmas time at home! I would say definitely limit your exposure to Bitchy McBitchy and Friends -- for your sanity if not to avoid stress-ulcers!

[hallerlake.livejournal.com]

Yeesh. Here's hoping the rest of your holidays were happier :)

[lynna12000.livejournal.com]

I sympathise with you fully. For years our family christmas was much like yours: miserable. And then my father started first locking himself in his bedroom, and then his camping trailer. Since then, christmas has been a much happier experience.

Next year, instead of a gift, have everyone in the family chip in and send your mom off on a trip to a spa for the holiday. She'll be relaxed, and you guys will be able to enjoy the holiday in peace.