Pretty People DO NOT Come To Swap Meets
Apr. 28th, 2008 12:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
captain_slinkyI meant to mention this on Sunday, because I *am* a Judgmental Bastard. The biggest trend I noticed at The Swap Meet on Sunday was this; Pretty People DO NOT go to The Swap Meet.
The most attractive people you'll find at The Swap Meet are people who *were* pretty hot during their Sophomore year of High School before they got pregnant and gained some 40-lbs of undroppable Pregnancy Weight, yet they insist on wearing all their pre-preggers clothing to The Swap Meet. Or, for The ladies, there's plenty of guys who were "The Bad Boy" back in High School. Back in '94 he may have been the subject of all your fantasies, but now he's just a chubby greaseball in a dirty "Orange County Choppers" wife-beater tank top and a baseball cap.
There is also a corollary! The Swap Meet repels Pretty people equally as much as it attracts Trashy People!
A loverly couple came up to my spot at the Swap Meet and were browsing around. Descriptions: She looked to be maybe 22-years-old with a smoking-withered face that looked 47, wearing a "Baby Doll" t-shirt and hip-hugger jeans that made her look like she had a Shar-pei puppy grafted to her midsection; He was wearing an "FBI (Female Booby Inspector)" baseball cap, dirty "Low Rider Camaro" T-shirt and torn jeans, looked like he hadn't washed himself or his clothes in about 4 weeks. The cutest thing about this couple, though, was their matching dental work; she was missing her 4 top-front teeth, his bottom teeth where gapped and straying in every-which direction.
So they're looking at my stuff, two things in particular; The Box Of Random Computer Stuff (Ethernet cables, Coax, a broken joystick, an old Cable Modem and a 1.5 Megapixel Camera from about 8 years ago) and the Big Box of $1 T-Shirts that my Brother had given to me (all were either West Coast Choppers and/otr Snap-on Tools).
"Baby," says The Woman "Lookee here! It's wunndem DEEjtul Camruhs!"
(I am not making up the dialect for humorous purposes... they were actually speaking Slackjaw-ese!)
He stopped looking at the box full of shirts and looked over to his woman. "ShhhhhhIdunno baby..."
I piped in with "I'll let you have the WHOLE BOX for just $1!"
Her eyes lit up. They turned their backs to me so they could hold a conference in private, only part I was able to hear clearly was him, pleading "But Baby, you KNOW I needs me a new shirt! We've only got the $5 with us and if *you* buy that COM-puter stuff for a dollar and I buy the shirt for $1, that'll be..."
"..."
"...That'll be like THREE DOLLARS!"
---
I kid you not. You CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP, FOLKS!!!
The most attractive people you'll find at The Swap Meet are people who *were* pretty hot during their Sophomore year of High School before they got pregnant and gained some 40-lbs of undroppable Pregnancy Weight, yet they insist on wearing all their pre-preggers clothing to The Swap Meet. Or, for The ladies, there's plenty of guys who were "The Bad Boy" back in High School. Back in '94 he may have been the subject of all your fantasies, but now he's just a chubby greaseball in a dirty "Orange County Choppers" wife-beater tank top and a baseball cap.
There is also a corollary! The Swap Meet repels Pretty people equally as much as it attracts Trashy People!
A loverly couple came up to my spot at the Swap Meet and were browsing around. Descriptions: She looked to be maybe 22-years-old with a smoking-withered face that looked 47, wearing a "Baby Doll" t-shirt and hip-hugger jeans that made her look like she had a Shar-pei puppy grafted to her midsection; He was wearing an "FBI (Female Booby Inspector)" baseball cap, dirty "Low Rider Camaro" T-shirt and torn jeans, looked like he hadn't washed himself or his clothes in about 4 weeks. The cutest thing about this couple, though, was their matching dental work; she was missing her 4 top-front teeth, his bottom teeth where gapped and straying in every-which direction.
So they're looking at my stuff, two things in particular; The Box Of Random Computer Stuff (Ethernet cables, Coax, a broken joystick, an old Cable Modem and a 1.5 Megapixel Camera from about 8 years ago) and the Big Box of $1 T-Shirts that my Brother had given to me (all were either West Coast Choppers and/otr Snap-on Tools).
"Baby," says The Woman "Lookee here! It's wunndem DEEjtul Camruhs!"
(I am not making up the dialect for humorous purposes... they were actually speaking Slackjaw-ese!)
He stopped looking at the box full of shirts and looked over to his woman. "ShhhhhhIdunno baby..."
I piped in with "I'll let you have the WHOLE BOX for just $1!"
Her eyes lit up. They turned their backs to me so they could hold a conference in private, only part I was able to hear clearly was him, pleading "But Baby, you KNOW I needs me a new shirt! We've only got the $5 with us and if *you* buy that COM-puter stuff for a dollar and I buy the shirt for $1, that'll be..."
"..."
"...That'll be like THREE DOLLARS!"
---
I kid you not. You CAN'T MAKE THIS STUFF UP, FOLKS!!!
