Parenting

[captain_slinky]

I am POSITIVE thaat I was never as difficult as this when I was a kid!

All day long I've been trying to get Molly to pick up her Tinker Toys. I have tried:

• Asking politely
• Asking firmly
• Trying to make it a game
• Helping/showing exactly what I want her to do
• Threatening to throw them away
• Telling tales of when *I* was a child and Grammy would lock me in my bedroom with no dinner and no bathroom till it was cleaned up
• Threatening to do the afore mentioned "Grammy Treatment"
• Offering rewards such as toys/candy
• Ignoring her till she cleans them up (the latest strategy)

So far, nothing has worked :(

Comments

[closer-to-fine.livejournal.com]

Put her in time out until she picks them up?

Nonchalantly explain that picking up toys is just something we do, like eating dinner and brushing teeth?

"Race" her to see who can get the most picked up first?

Make a sticker chart and award her fun stickers when she accomplishes tasks?

[indigo-tide.livejournal.com]

Tell her if she doesn't have them put away by X time, you will clean it up yourself and donate it to some poor kids.

worked on me most of the time.

If she doesn't listen, at least make it look like you're doing just that. It won't happen again.

[pastilla.livejournal.com]

Something tells me she's figured out that Daddy is a pushover.

[strryeyedgrrl.livejournal.com]

Use the vacuum offensive. This works with Ari.

Basically, come in with the vacuum. Turn it on. Suck up a TinkerToy or two. Tell her you'll stop if she picks up the toys.

Now, all I have to do is pull out the vacuum and Ari runs to clean up her room.

[bjorker.livejournal.com]

What is she doing in the meantime? If it's watching tv/movies, making a mess with other toys, or pretty much anything else fun, then you might want to try taking those options away. She's not going to want to stop and pick them up if she can just move onto something else and ignore daddy. That's just way easier. :)

[captain-slinky.livejournal.com]

All she's doing is laying on the floor next to the mess whining "It's too haaaaaard" and "I'm tiiiiiiired".

She eventually got them all picked up, it just took HOURS to do it and lots of crying :)

[sasjhwa.livejournal.com]

You did all that? I hate to tell you, but she owns you.

What she is doing is perfectly normal at that age. Caleb is turning 5 in a couple of weeks and he's just barely starting to come out of it. Don't stress over it if she doesn't obey your every wish. There should be consequences, sure. But she has reached the age where beating Daddy at the game is more important than doing what she's told.

[captain-slinky.livejournal.com]

She eventually got them all picked up, it just took HOURS to do it and lots of crying :)

[hallerlake.livejournal.com]

Take them away. (Put them in your storage unit or just out of reach.)

Require her to behave for a couple days to get those toys back.

A couple days of misbehavior can leave her with a couple weeks of "you must behave" getting back a toy every couple days.

[ellison.livejournal.com]

This was the approach I was going to recommend.

[lynna12000.livejournal.com]

I go with the taking the tinker toys away option as well. Maybe even add a few more as well. Tell her if she can't take care of one set of toys, she probably won't be able to take care of all her toys. You are just trying to make her life easier.

[jillchristina.livejournal.com]

I'll just put my crazy and probably unpopular way of dealing with these things out there. Sometimes, quite often actually, I'll just pick up the mess myself. Now, this depends on my mood, the kids' moods, the size of the mess. But really, *for me*, it's sometimes just easier to deal with the mess myself than try to beg, cajole, punish, etc. the kids to help. Do some of their toys find their way to Goodwill every so often? You bet. Do they often help me of their own free will, with minimal discussion? Absolutely. There are certain times and certain messes I WILL make a stand about. But random junk laying about - a lot of the time I'll just clean it up. It's quicker, less hassle, and some day all these little bits and pieces of my childrens' lives won't be here anymore.

Good luck! Having an almost 4-year-old myself (in addition to my 7 1/2 yr old!), I can certainly appreciate the amount of work it takes to care for them and all their paraphernalia.

[captain-slinky.livejournal.com]

You're so right... I really need to stop listening to my Mom's paranoid concerns ("She has you wrapped around her little finger... you need to remind her that YOU are the parent and the one in charge") and just do what feels right. Thanks :)

[jillchristina.livejournal.com]

I also try to remind myself just how long my kids have been on the earth. If I'm still struggling to figure out this life at 35, what makes me think they know all the rules at almost 4 and 7 1/2? I don't always remember these things but this is certainly part of the parenting ideal I strive for. While there are some things that just need to happen "because I say so" there are tons of things that don't need to happen that way. Just because I'm bigger than my kids doesn't make me any more special than them.

FWIW, I think you and Crystal are great parents. You obviously adore Molly and it shows in all you do for her. No matter what your mom says. ;-)

[ellison.livejournal.com]

I do also agree with this technique. :) Not that I even have kids yet, just nieces. So maybe I can't speak from much experience. I have seen my sis in law do this with some messes, but if it's something really specific and it's already become a struggle, it's like she feels she can't/shouldn't back down at that point. But if it's something that got left out and it's bed time, she'll just clean up the kids' stuff after they go to bed.